Common Family Problems and Solutions - II
08/12/2010| IslamWeb
- He rejects the suitors of his daughter
The problem:
A man used to reject the suitors of his daughter until she became old and he is very regretful. He wants to know how he should deal with this problem and whether he is sinful or not?
The answer:
There is no doubt that this father is sinful for rejecting the suitable suitors of his daughter, as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “If someone whom you approve of his religion and morals proposes to you, let him marry. If you do not do so, it will be Fitnah (trial) on earth and a widespread corruption." [At-Tirmithi on the authority of Abu Hurayrah 
and Ibn Maajah] [Al-Albaani: Hasan]
Since it is too late now as your daughter has became old, I advise you to offer her to a righteous man to marry her even if he has one or two wives, because this is better than depriving her of marriage until she reaches menopause.
And Allah knows best.
- My husband steals my jewelry
The problem:
I am a married woman and I have children. My problem is that my husband steals my jewelry, which my family bought me. I once pretended that I was asleep and saw him doing so. Should I keep silent to protect my family or tell him?
Please advise me.
The answer:
You are entitled to keep your jewelry and possessions that you bought or that your family bought you. If your husband has stolen anything from it, then show that you are very sorry for the lost or stolen items and ask him to compensate you or search for it.
In my view you should tell him that you know that he is the one who has taken the jewelry, as long as you are sure and that is for the benefit of the family. However, you should excuse him if he took some of your jewelry, because he may be suffering from a financial crisis that forces him to sell some of what he owns or what is accessible to him inside the house, and he may bring it back to you after overcoming this crisis.
And Allah knows best.
- Interference of the wife’s family affects the life of spouses
The problem:
I married one of my female relatives. After two years of our marriage, her family started interfering in our life and caused many problems. This was followed by a calm period and then things worsened. Allah The Almighty provided us with a child while I was absent. When I went to her father to get her back, he accepted, but I found that my wise wife has changed greatly because of her family.
I left her in her father’s house for more than a year in the hope that she would regain her senses and I made some attempts to get her back but I failed. Now, I believe it is better for me to divorce her. However, when I wanted to send her the divorce document, I was asked to bring the marriage contract, which was not registered officially and was lost two years ago. I am perplexed and do not know what to do?
The answer:
We advise you to try again to reconcile with your wife and ask some mediators to help you in this respect. However, if you have lost all hope and see that separation is inevitable, then there is no harm and you do not need the marriage contract. You are just required to tell her family that their daughter is divorced and then they are free to marry her off to whoever they want. Nevertheless, it is better for you to document the divorce in the Sharee‘ah-based court and then send your wife’s family the divorce document. As for the lost marriage contract, you can go to the nearest court to ask for a new marriage document and bring some witnesses with you.
And Allah knows best.
- Should I ask my husband to provide me with a separate house
The problem:
My brother-in-law wants to marry and live with us, knowing that I never uncover my face before him, sit with him, or even look at him. He has already married and I want to ask my husband to provide me with a separate house due to the difficulty that I will suffer as a result of this situation. Does this mean that I am sowing dissension between the two brothers? Is this request lawful, knowing that my husband sees that it is better for both of them to live in separate houses?
However, my mother-in-law, who lives with us, wants them to live together.
The answer:
If you adhere to your full Hijab (Islamic covering) and avoid the prohibited private meeting, then it is better to remain together to please the mother of your husband.
However, if this is not the case, i.e., if one of the two wives does not adhere to the full Hijab or avoid the prohibited private meeting with her brother-in-law, then it is better for you to live in a separate house. Living in a separate house is also better if one of the two brothers is not righteous or cannot be trusted to remain with his brother’s wife in the same house. For example, he may harass her, look at her while unawares or enter upon her without permission, and the like.
If this is the case, we advise you to ask your husband to provide you with a separate house to avoid hardship and discomfort.
- She deserted her husband because of hair oil
The problem:
My wife started using hair oil that she believes prevents the loss of hair. However, the smell of this oil is disgusting and I asked her not to use it because I do not like its smell.
I told her that if it was necessary for her to use something to prevent hair loss, she may use another oil or shampoo with an acceptable smell. My wife got angry and considered this request as something that hurt her. Hence, she abandoned me in bed and sleeps in another room. Please advise me. May Allah reward you.
The answer:
The wife must obey her husband in whatever involves benefit for him as long as it does not cause her harm. In addition, she should adorn herself in such a way that increases mutual love and cordiality between them. She should remove any disgusting smell or unclean clothing. It is also prohibited for her to refrain from allowing her husband to have sexual intercourse with her whenever he wants as long as there is no harm in this for her. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, warned the woman who refrains from responding to her husband when he calls her to his bed and he sleeps while he is angry with her.
Finally, we advise the two spouses to try to increase mutual love by every possible means.
And Allah knows best.