My Wife Hates My Sister

16/03/2017| IslamWeb

Question

Whenever I want to see or visit my sister, my wife creates a fighting atmosphere; she is suspicious that my sister might ask me to do something against her (my wife). In fact, I swear to Allah that my sisters never talked against my wife, and I have clarified this several times to my wife, but she never listens or understands. She is not even ready to accept my sisters as guests in my home. She also frequently visits a female friend that I dislike without my permission. Please advise me with what the Shariah suggests.

Answer

Brother, may Allah bless your family and make them the jewel of your eyes. This is a test from Allah, and you need to witness that Allah is the Most Wise and that there is a great reason for what you are going through. When we face problems in life, whether it be marital issues or anything else, we have to return to Allah, the Most Merciful and seek help from Him. Nothing happens in the dominion of Allah unless there is a great wisdom behind it. People are a test for one another; for your wife to be good with you is a favor from Allah, as Allah, the Most High, said about Zechariah, peace be upon him: {So We responded to him, and We gave to him John, and amended for him his wife. Indeed, they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate Us in hope and fear, and they were to Us humbly submissive.} [Quran 21:90] Allah, the Most High, is the one who amended for him his wife, and it is because they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate. Therefore, here are some of the things that you can do to face this test and be able to fix it by the will and help of Allah:

1- Repent to Allah, the Most Merciful, and increase in seeking forgiveness, as it relieves the person from all difficulties in this life and the Hereafter.

2- Seek the pleasure of Allah by increasing your good deeds. Allah, the Most High, says: {...And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out
and will provide for him from where he does not expect...} [Quran 65: 2-3]

3- Supplicate to Allah, the Most High. The hearts of all humans are under the control of Allah, the Most High. He alone can change the heart of your wife, so turn to Him and ask Him for help. So get up at night and pray and supplicate to Allah to make things easy for you and your wife.

4- Exert efforts to diffuse the reasons of enmity between your wife and your sister, discuss the matter with your wife, tell her that being kind to your sister is an order from Allah, the Most High, and that it is not conditioned by how kind she is to her, as the Prophet said:

"The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them); rather, the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him."  [Al-Bukhari]

5- Show by speech and actions to your wife that you understand her feelings and that you support her wholeheartedly but that you both need to be kind to others unconditionally, seeking rewards from Allah. So, basically, make your wife feel that you are on her side, and not against her and taking sides with your family. Instead tell her that you and her, as a husband and wife, need to please Allah by being kind to your relatives and hers.

6- Be kind to your wife’s family so that she can return this kindness to your family.

7- Give your wife the attention she needs and treat her with good manners; this might encourage her to be kind to your relatives. What is between you and your wife is much greater; therefore, with intimacy and kindness to your wife, things can get better.

8- Increase your kindness to your sister by speech and actions to offset any bad feelings she gets from your wife. Do not force your wife to visit your sister; you visit and be kind to her.

This is a test from Allah to see how you will fulfill the obedience of Allah in your relationships. May Allah bless your family and make it easy for you.