How to Deal and Heal When a Friend Breaks up with You

19/09/2017| IslamWeb

Question

My friend and I used to be so close and shared secrets, and we were like sisters. We helped each other and stayed together through thick and thin. All of a sudden, we started fighting all the time, without any concrete reason. At first, we would remember all the good things we have gone through together and would go back to be friends, but now everything is so bad, and we either fight or talk a little, like strangers; we are not even able to support each other.

 I want her to become my friend like before; she was so close and supported me.

I suffer from OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and depression, and it is so hard on me. I stopped taking my medicine because she made me feel better and that there really is good in the world, but now my depression has increased, and I cry almost all the time because I cannot leave her like that; she is a good sister.

I always pray to God that we will return like before, and I ask for His forgiveness. Please, help me, and tell me whether things could return like they used to be.

Answer

May Allah make it easy for you and give you a happy life in this world and in the Hereafter. Having a good friend is one of the great pleasures of this world, so it is a difficult thing to lose a friend, especially when there is no clear reason for that. However, I would like to take the matter a step back; it is important that you understand the purpose of life and know Allah with His Beautiful Names and Attributes. He created us to worship Him alone, and He made this life nothing but a test to see who among us are the best in actions. We are tested in this life on our personal level and through other people in our life. Also, Allah is the Most Wise, the Most Merciful; nothing happens except by the Wisdom, Mercy, and Knowledge of Allah. Therefore, we should always be grateful to Him for the fact that He gave us this life and honored us to be believers and worship Him alone. The worship of Allah includes proper belief, fulfilling religious obligations and staying away from what is haram. Also, dealing with people in the best way is part of our religion.

Your situation consists of two aspects; yourself, and the relationship with your friend. Here are some points of advice:

1) Work on your faith in order to increase it; and that is done by learning more about matters of belief; reflecting upon the Names and Attributes of Allah; reading the Quran while reflecting upon it on a daily basis; making sure that your prayers are done with devotion and concentration; never leaving the Athkaar (remembrance of Allah) at all times, especially in the morning and the evening, from the sayings of the Prophet ; give charity; and constantly ask Allah for forgiveness.

2) As for the friendship, you need to understand that nothing stays the same in this life. People come and go, and you have to move on. Do not seek your strength from others, but rather from Allah, The Almighty. Humans cannot offer you anything, because they simply do not own anything. Therefore, when a human being becomes your reason for happiness and sadness, you need to turn to Allah and revive your faith by relying on Allah Alone.

3) So the solution is not going to come from your friend, but, rather, from Allah, the Most High, and if you want what is from Allah, then turn to Him, ask Him, and enjoy the life of being grateful and dutiful to Him.

4) The Quran is a cure for all our ailments, so read it daily, while pondering over the meanings, and by the will of Allah, you will not need your medicine. Of course, there is nothing wrong with taking medicine, but since you said that when your friendship was strong, you were not taking medicine, you should realize that the effect from reading the Quran will be even stronger.

5) Try to see what the root causes for severing the ties of friendship are, and if your friend is willing to discuss them, then that is a good sign, and if she is not, then move on.

6) Sins are causes for the severing of ties of friendship; there are hadiths which carry this meaning: “If two people loved each other for the sake of Allah and then split, it is because of a sin committed by one of them.” [Ahmad]

Given that the Prophet stated this fact, we can clearly say that sins are the reason for such problems in relationships.

So repent to Allah from all sins, since this all is a sign from Allah.

These are some points of advice. They might be unorganized, but I hope that they will prove helpful.