All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
If the impurity exceeds its usual place, then it is an obligation to wash it with water, and removing it with toilet paper and the like is not sufficient; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86781 and 88254.
Ibn Qudaamah said: “If a discharge exceeds its usual place, then it is not sufficient to remove it with anything else except water, like when the discharge is spread too much over the glans; this is the view of Ash-Shaafi’i, Is-Haaq and Ibn Al-Munthir, because Istijmaar (which is cleaning oneself with stone, wood or tissue and the like) is a concession at the usual place of discharge [urine and feces] because of the difficulty of washing it as the impurity is recurrent in it, and a place where the impurity is not recurrent in it must be washed with water and it is not enough to remove it with anything else……. A virgin woman is like a man because her hymen prevents the spread of urine. As regards a non-virgin woman, if the urine comes out with strength and it is not spread (over other parts of the body) then the same ruling applies to it, but if it extends to the place of discharge of menses, then the scholars of the Hanbali School of jurisprudence said that it must be washed.”
As regards the limits for that, then this depends on the customs. Ibn Taymiyyah stated in “Sharh Al-‘Umdah” a limit for this saying: “The limit of that is when the feces spreads to half of the interior between the buttocks or more and the urine spreads to half of the glans or more…”
Dear questioner, your questions suggest that you are afflicted with severe whispers about purity, so we advise you to fear Allaah and avoid whispers. Cleaning oneself after urinating or defecating is very simple and Allaah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. Indeed, we issued Fataawa 92050 and 92641 about the treatment of whispers, so please refer to them, as Allaah may make them a means for your cure.