Conditions under which disobeying one’s parents is permitted

27-1-2010 | IslamWeb

Question:

aoa wr wb! i understand it is very very important in islam to obey and respect your parents. i understand that to attain jannah it is very important to respect your parents. but i am not having a good relation with my father. i try my best to make it the way my Allah wants it to be but still i am unable to. ALH i pray 5 times a day and my father too. but if i get more islamic like praying lenghty prayers or not watching tv, my father would be against that too. or about my keeping beard too he would seem to be unhappy. i dont understand if there is some confusion in his mind. how shall i counter such things. one more thing that i know islam says that whenever you afford to you may marry but my father says that i will not marry until atleast 5 years because no one in the family married at such an early age. i know islam says that u marry with the one who is pious but my father says that he will be happy only if i marry someone in family. i know a girl who is very pious but my father does not like because they are not amongst our family. really want to get married to her but my father is putting baseless conditions. i seriously feel helpless sometimes, on one side i want that my father stays happy with me and on the other side all such issues. tell me please what is the best way to react in such a situation.
Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

 

First of all, may Allaah reward you for being keen on staying steadfast on the Religion of Allaah and for being keen to be kind and dutiful to your parents.

Indeed, the father has a great status in Islam, and whenever it is possible for a child to obey him in what is permissible without him [child] being harmed, then he should do so. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 87019 and 82254.

As regards wearing a beard, then according to the most preponderant opinion of the scholars may Allaah have mercy upon them it is an obligation; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 84474 . Therefore, if he orders you to shave your beard or to trim it, you should not obey him because there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator.

With regard to obeying the father in watching TV, if it is in regard to a matter where Allaah is disobeyed, like listening to music or watching forbidden pictures and so forth, then there is no obedience to him. However, if watching TV is in a lawful matter and the father has an acceptable purpose, then you should obey him. The same thing applies to the prayer, if he forbids you from extending the prayer, for example, for his need for you to help him, then obeying him becomes an obligation as long as this does not contradict tranquility and humbleness in the prayer. However, if he has no acceptable purpose, then there is no obedience to him because this matter is just following one’s desires and preventing people from doing good without a sound reason.

The scholars may Allaah have mercy upon them stated some conditions when it becomes an obligation to obey one’s parents and these are summarized as follows:

1-     It should not be in disobedience.

2-     They should have a sound reason for doing so.

3-     The son [or daughter] should not be harmed by what his/her parents order him/her to do.

A group of scholars stated this, among whom was Ibn Taymiyyah may Allaah have mercy upon him.

In regard to marriage, please refer to Fataawa 120515, 83393 and 92731.

Finally, we advise you to be kind and wise in dealing with your father.

Allaah Knows best.

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