This Hadeeth does not mean obeying one’s parent in divorcing one’s wife

4-12-2011 | IslamWeb

Question:

Abu Darda t narrated that when a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce." He replied to him that he had heard Allah’s Messenger say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it." (Tirmidhi 4928 and Ibn Majah) what does this hadith means? Does a man should divorce his wife if his mother orders him to do so

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

The Prophet said: ''The parent is the middle door (leading) to Paradise. Lose that door if you wish or preserve it." [At-Tirmithi] The meaning of this Hadeeth as Al-Mubaarak Poori said (quoting from Al-Qaadi ‘Iyaadh) is that the best thing by which one seeks to enter Paradise and get to its highest levels is the obedience of the parents and taking care of them.

However, if the parents – or one of them – do not have a correct purpose in ordering the son to divorce his wife, then the son is not obliged to obey them in this regard as we clarified in Fatwa 84056.

The statement of Abu Ad-Dardaa’ in the Hadeeth (mentioned in the question) is not evidence that this is an obligation or not, as another narration of this Hadeeth is reported in Musnad Ahmad in which Abu Ad-Dardaa’ said: “It is not me who orders you to divorce (your wife) and it is not me who orders you to keep (her).” At-Tahaawi said commenting on this narration: “This means that Abu Ad-Dardaa’ found it difficult to answer the question, so his answer was not definite about keeping (the wife) or separating (from her).”

Some scholars concluded that Abu Ad-Dardaa’ told that man of that Hadeeth as an indication that it is better for him to divorce her as a way of obeying the parent; which means that this is not an obligation on him to do so: Al-Qaraafi said: “Abu Ad-Dardaa’ alluded that it is better to divorce her as a way of obeying the order of the parent.”

Allaah Knows best.