Wants to bridge the gap between his children and his step-son
22-4-2011 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalamu Alaykum, Please can you guide me. I have searched your website as best as I could, but could not find what I was looking for. I have a step-son aged 7 and a biological son that is almost 2, and another baby on the way all from the same mother. My step-son aged 7 does not see his father, does not receive any maintenance from him, has no contact with him whatsoever. He also calls me Dad which I read in other articles was permissable if it is for the purpose of honour, but what is the ruling regarding my step-sons surname. At the moment he goes under his real fathers surname. Can I change it to my surname, if not, can I change it to his mothers surname as I fear this may cause division with his half brother in the future. I follow the Shafee madhhab, but please comment on all madhhabs if applicable. Please bear in mind though that my stepson has no dealing with his biological father. Regarding surnames, correct me if I am wrong but in the old days, a son was referred to as example, Zaid bin Haaritha where Haaritha was the first name of the father, how has the introduction of surnames impacted this? In conclusion, I would love to create an environment for my family where my step son does not at all feel excluded, and I fear something like the surname could affect us later. Jazakallah for your time and look forward to your response.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
This child saying to you “O my father” as a way of honoring you is permissible; however, it is not permissible to attribute him to you because adoption and tracing back someone to other than his father is forbidden as we clarified in Fataawa 84422 and 82371.
The fact that this child has no contact with his father or that his father does not spend on him and so forth are not a sound reason for attributing him to other than his father. Besides, we did not understand what you meant by mentioning the story of Zayd Ibn Haarithah 
. His story is evidence that proves that what we mentioned about the impermissibility of tracing back a child to other than his father is correct. Allaah Says (what means): {Call them by [the names of] their fathers; it is more just in the sight of Allaah.} [Quran 33:5] So, he was known as Zayd Ibn Haarithah after he had been known as Zayd Ibn Muhammad by virtue of his adoption. Indeed, this did not have any negative effect on him.
As regards the future of those children and preparing a righteous environment that will have a positive effect on the relationship between them, then it is your role and the role of their mother by being wise in dealing with them and clarifying for them that their relationship towards each other is that they are brothers.
Allaah Knows best.