His wife neglects him and does not like his family
23-6-2011 | IslamWeb
Question:
Dear sir, I am well settled grade 17 government officer, having no any problem in life excepting the ill behaved wife. I got married about six years back and presently i have four children. My wife remained very jealous towards my family members but presently we are living at house provided by my employer with my little sister and a grandmother. But even having a separate house she tries to tease my only two family members. On other hand she always tries to serve her own family members with all grace, love and care. She does n't perform my personal assignments with welcome and care including cooking meals in time and getting the children ready for school on time. For marital relations when i invite her she says she is sick today and tries to refuse and also when doesnt show any warn involvement at bedroom. She always had created a hatred corner for me and for my family members. I have always tried many lecturers, provided her with good islamic books to know her responsibilities but she seems not willing even to read the books saying that she knows better. Whatever I give her, despite being thankful she throws away the things says Allah has given her too much. We from the first day of our marriage kept disputing on very minor issues. I never used any abuse before my marriage but due to her spoiled behaviour i have been moulded towards abusing her and her family members. I used all sorts to keep her happy taking her to visits, completing her each and every requisition on the same day but she says what are you giving me?. I am very much upset and thought many times to divorce her but could nt make it due to my children. She left my house for two months but we recovered due to involvement of our parents and for the time being she was ok. But after short time she returns to her ill behaviour. Now her father is dead, her mother is abnormal, her two brothers are illiterate and abnormal somewhat and she has two sis more. I am much depressed kindly suggest solution.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve your distress and make for you a way out from your difficulties and rectify your wife, as He is the All-Near and He responds to the supplication.
It is Islamically established that each spouse should have a good marital relationship with the other as Allaah Says (what means): {And due to them [i.e. the wives] is similar to what is expected to them, according to what is reasonable.}[Quran 2:228] This can be achieved by both spouses knowing and fulfilling the rights of each other; it is in this manner that their family achieve happiness. For more benefit on the rights of spouses towards each other, please refer to Fataawa 85308 and 85167.
Nonetheless, you should know that your wife has the right to a separate accommodation and she is not obligated to live with any of your relatives. So, if she asks for such an accommodation, you are obligated to provide it for her. It might be that this is the reason for the troubled relationship between you and her, and it might be that if you provide her with a separate accommodation, the problem will end, so you should take this into consideration. For more benefit on the right of the wife to a separate accommodation, please refer to Fatwa 84608.
In the same way the wife has the right to ask for her rights, she must fulfill her obligations towards her husband, among which is to obey him when he calls her to bed, as it is forbidden for her to refuse without a sound reason as we clarified in Fatwa 128723. She is also obligated to serve him in matters the wife usually serves her husband in them according to the customs, like preparing food for instance. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86344.
In case the wife raises her voice at her husband and she mistreats him, then she is a recalcitrant wife, in which case, the husband has the right to discipline her as clarified in Fatwa 85402 but he should not mistreat her in the same manner that she mistreated him. Rather, if she does not have a good marital relationship with him, he may divorce her in kindness.
Allaah Knows best.