Da‘wah: reforming a family who has a lax commitment to Islam
6-10-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am a girl who has problems with my parents because they have a lax commitment to the teachings of Islam. I advise them leniently but they respond harshly. They insist on making me attend wedding parties which include acts contrary to the Sharee‘ah, or otherwise they are angry with me. What should I do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
May Allaah, the Almighty, guide you to obeying Him. Let your attention be drawn to the following points:
Firstly, a Muslim should be patient with what he faces in the course of Da‘wah. The result of patience is always good, and nothing is better for a person than being patient. ’Abu Sa‘eed Al-Khudri 
narrated on the authority of the Prophet 
that he said that whoever tries to be patient, Allaah, the Almighty will help him to be so. Patience is the best gift from Allaah the Almighty to a person. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Secondly, a Muslim must be optimistic about the possibility of change for the better, which can be achieved through utilizing the available means for reforming his family and society, following Islamic instructions in terms of being lenient, steadfast in the truth, and a model for others to follow.
Thirdly, Allaah the Almighty, for wisdom that He alone knows, has destined that people will not all have the same commitment to religion, the same mental abilities, or the same potential. Therefore, the caller to Islam must not seek the impossible. Rather, he should be gentle to others and know that some people are righteous and others are not, and some people do their best in acts of worship while others restrict themselves to a minimum of the main obligations, while a third group commits sins. Thus, a caller to Islam is like a doctor who treats different and varied patients.
Fourthly, you have to be good to your parents and to seek their satisfaction - unless they order you to disobey Allaah the Almighty. One of the ways to please of Allaah is to satisfy your parents in lawful ways. ‘Abd Allaah ibn ‘Amr quoted the Prophet saying that pleasing one's parents is a way to please Allaah the Almighty, and angering them angers Allaah the Almighty. [At-Tirmithi] ’Abu Ad-Dardaa’ quoted the Prophet as saying that obeying one's parents admits the person to Paradise. [At-Tirmithi]
Be sure that obeying parents is conditional on not disobeying Allaah the Almighty; one must not obey his parents if they order him to disobey Allaah the Almighty. So, in conclusion, you must not go to parties where men and women sit together, music is played, or other impermissible actions are practised.
And Allaah Knows best.