She may have lost her virginity with her ex-fiancée
22-5-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
I’m 30year old lady and ,2 years back I was proposed by a boy and his parents and My parents and I agreed to get marry him, then my father and all my uncle(maternal & paternal uncles) visited his place and in front of all including his father and brother he accepted to marry me, They recited some dua which recite on day of wedding, That day was like my engagement, but on that day they didn’t sign for marriage registration according to local law. As my father had some financial difficulties to have ceremonial wedding he had to postpone it for 3 months time but wedding date was fixed,After that he started to talk with me and visit me also he wanted to have physical relationship with me,I allowed him to be with me according to his desires as I already got engaged with him.I’m very sorry to say even though he didn’t have sexual intercourse with me I’m in doubt I might have loss my virginity because of some of his acts he had with me, suddenly he created some problems and he said he cannot marry me, that mean before ceremonial and registration of wedding in local authority he left me. As my parents didn’t know that I had physical relationship with him, my parents said it is ok to cancel the wedding, after that I told my parents all incidences what happen to me and said I wanted to be with him, but he said he will not be with me again and he got married to another girl within short period of time of all these incidence and he had a ceremonial wedding also.After that I was severlly suffered from depression and alhamdullilah I’m recovering now. I’m always asking from almighty Allah I was with him thinking as my husband, I hope he even was me thinking I’m his wife,In front of all mighty Allah will my engagement day will be consider as my Nikah day as he accepted me to marry in front of my father and my all uncles as witnesses and it was announced within both families? Now I’m in confusion,Am I consider as his wife? do i need to be on idda,if I want get marry another
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
A valid marriage in Islam has certain conditions and pillars that must be met so that it can be valid, among which is 'Eejaab (i.e. the offer from the wife's guardian) and the Qabool (i.e. the acceptance from the husband), the consent of the guardian and the presence of two witnesses. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 83629.
Therefore, if what happened was just an approval and promise for the marriage in front of everyone and the recitation of supplication for successful marriage, then this does not make you Islamically a wife of that young man; rather, this is just an engagement.
On the other hand, the fiancé is an alien (a non-Mahram) woman to her fiancée until the marriage contract between him and her is conducted as we clarified in Fatwa 86143.
Thus, you should know that enabling him to be in seclusion with you and allowing him to do all those mentioned improper actions with you is an obscene mistake. Hence, you are obliged to take the initiative to repent; for more benefit on the conditions of repentance, please refer to Fatwa 86527.
However, since this young man got married with another woman and does not want to marry you, you should not think about him and you should rather ask Allaah to bless you with a better husband.
Besides, you should conceal your sin and not tell anybody about what happened between you and that man, be him a fiancée or someone else. Even if you are no longer a virgin and your future husband gets to know this, then you may use Tawriyah (i.e. saying something which has more than one meaning and intending a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand), like telling him that virginity could be lost due to jumping or by menses or by some other reasons.
Finally, if this (what happened between you and your ex-fiancée) was penetration in the vagina, then it is not permissible for you to marry unless you make sure that you are not pregnant by observing three menstruation periods according to the view of some scholars or by observing one menstruation period according to the view of some other scholars.
Allaah Knows best.