A married woman loves a young man she met in a chat room
29-1-2013 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaamu alaikum, I' am 25 years old and happily married to a Student of Knowledge, Haafidh al Quran - all praise is due to Allah! Everything I learned in the last 6 years of my marriage is after Allaahs will, due my husbands help. I could never imagine to live without him. For me I give lectures in the mosques in Quraan, Fiqh, Aqidah. Sisters see me as a rolemodel. I love my religion and my work as a teacher. Unfortunately I started to chat with a younger man, he is 21 years old and everything began with my search for book which he selled to me. I was overwhelmed by his nice and respectful speech, he is a student of knowledge as well and slowly we started to chat everyday; he started developing feelings for me although he knows I am married; I can't say that I "love" him, like he thinks he does love me, I just like him too much, I can't decribe this feeling, but I miss him, I think everyday of him, we did never meet or talk on the phone. I know this is destroying him and me as well and we tried to stop chatting so many times and last time we did not contact each other for 1 month and I thought I was successful in making taubah, but now we chatted again and I realized, that nothing has changed in his heart; I am desperate, I see how my Imaan is getting weak. I don't know how all of this could happen and I know that I have to stop contacting him, but I can't. I just ask myself: Why did you meet this guy? what is the hikmah behind all this? I fear Allaahs punishment but at the same time I think: I won't stop chatting. I know this is hyprocrisy and I hate myself for this, but what can I do? I tried to forget him, but he is on my mind every day and night, it is making me sick. How can I love my husband and think of another man at the same time? please give me advise...I am fearing to loose my imaan completely in this. please make du'aa for me. wa jazaakumullaahu khairan.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
We ask Allaah to grant us and you well being and protection from all afflictions and to guard us and you against trials, the open and secret thereof. Hearts are between two of the fingers of Allaah The Almighty and He turns them as He wills. We advise you to resort to Him and supplicate Him earnestly to bless you with guidance, piety, chastity and independence of means, and protect you from different causes of temptations.
You should know that one of the greatest means of salvation is to be truthful with the Lord of the earth and heaven. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {if they had been true to Allaah, it would have been better for them.}[Quran 47:21]
Indeed, what happened to you is the best proof of the danger of entering into chat rooms. For more benefit please, refer to Fataawa 85179 and 84874.
There is absolutely no doubt that you have been caught in the trap of the devil. He had already confirmed through you his assumption and you followed him in what he wants. So, seek refuge in Allaah The Almighty from his evil. Allaah Says (what means): {And if there comes to you from Satan an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in Allaah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.}[Quran 41:36]
As for saying that you like that young man so much, that you think of him day and night, that you think you would not stop contacting him, and the like, all of such things are just enticements of the devil and a justification to the bad things you are doing. Rather, your being married, fearing hypocrisy or fearing the punishment of Allaah, your teaching Muslims good knowledge and being a role model for others should really make you repent from such sin. You should hasten to repent for death may come when it is least expected and then you will meet your Lord on a bad end. So, it is incumbent upon you to sever your relationship with that young man entirely, remove all means of communication with him and remove his name or email from your contacts list, and change your address to be on the safe side, otherwise, you will get a regretful end.
As for saying that you do not know how could all of this happen? Why did you meet this guy? What is the wisdom behind all this? The answer is the saying of Allaah The Almighty (which means): {Say, "It is from yourselves."}[Quran 3:165]
The Muslim is indeed exposed to afflictions, and the successful is the one who rejects them and not let his heart love them or have comfort in them. Huthayfah 
said: "I heard the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saying, “Hearts are exposed to trials one after the other. Any heart that succumbs to them is stained with a black spot, and any heart that resists them becomes pure white, until all hearts are of one of these two types. The white heart is intensely white and will not be harmed by any trial so long as heaven and earth remain, and the black heart is intensely black and does not recognize good or forbid evil, except what suits its own whims and desires." [Muslim]
Finally, it is not necessary that what have happened to you is a form of punishment; rather it may be a kind of trial. As for the treatment of falling in love, kindly refer to Fatwa 84544.
Allaah Knows best.