A troubled marriage because of arguing over money
11-3-2013 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salaam my question is pretty complex but i do not know what to do. I have Masshallah been married now for 2 years and Mashallah I felt so blessed, but since marriage my [partner and i seem to argue and always it comes down to money. I am not in a good position and have financial difficulties and prior before marriage same situation but Mashallah Allah has blessed me and my family to have the basic Allah ka Shukar, but my wife and I do argue and had 2 big arguments and it was simply down to how financially she was helping me for the basic in the home. I ran a successful business before and due to health reason had to leave , i am now working but half my previous wage. now it is struggling but my wife doesnt half no remind me again, she says we dont spent time together which i try but now i am but with the fights previosuly before i cant help no feeling love for her. i care for her but the love has gone. i thought incase the money issue but the back of my mind i know that if i was to earn more money again she would get more wise and more abruct with me. my sister and my mum feels she has changed from good to bad but i know its not all bad, but i dont want any negativity within our home i dont know what to do as i care for her family especially my inalws but like my family said i need to know whats best for me and her. we dont have any children but may this is the reason why were not suited and Allah is guiding us from any further hurt. pls can someone adivse me what to do. jzk and Salaam
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
It is unfortunate that sometimes a husband and a wife fail to realize the main goals of legislating marriage in Islam, among which is the establishment of a stable Muslim family whose ultimate goal would be to obey Allaah so that He would gather them together in Paradise, the house of eternal happiness. Allaah says (what means): {And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith — We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained.} [Quran 52:21] Ibn Katheer 
said (regarding the interpretation of this verse): “i.e. We [Allaah] equaled between all of them in rank so that their eyes will be comforted, and We did not decrease the one who is in the higher rank so that he will be equal to the one who is in a lower rank; rather, We elevated the one who is in the lower rank (lacking in good deeds) and provided him with many good deeds so that he will be equal to the one who is in the higher rank, as a favor and mercy from Us.”
It is natural that some disagreements may happen between the spouses in marital life but this should not hinder them from achieving those noble goals. Rather, respect should prevail between them and each one should know and fulfill the rights of the other as best as he/she could. For more benefit on the rights of the spouses towards each other, please refer to Fataawa 85308 and 85167.
On the other hand, the money that the wife earns is her own right, but it is good that she helps her husband bear burdens of life as this earns her the love of her husband. However, if she does not do so, her husband has no right to blame her for this or make this subject a matter of dispute. Rather, he should ask Allaah of His Bounty to facilitate for him the ways of lawful earnings. On the contrary, if he is reluctant to take from his wife’s money, his wife may willingly offer to help him.
The wife should know that she would have a great reward if she spends on her husband and children. Zaynab, the wife of Ibn Mas'ood 
said: “O Messenger of Allaah, is it permissible and acceptable for me to spend the Zakat (obligatory charity) on my poor husband and the orphans of my brother who are under my protection?” Thereupon, the Prophet 
said to her: "You will receive a double reward (for that): One for giving Zakat and the other for helping relatives."
Hence, if money is the reason for hating your wife and the reason for the dispute between you, then the solution is easy, Allaah willing, which is what we have mentioned earlier, that you refrain from taking money from her. Hating her should not lead you to deprive her of any of her rights. Besides, this should not lead you to have a bad marital relationship with her, rather you should treat her kindly and keep good company with her and endeavor to rectify your situation.
In case your family advise you to divorce your wife, then you should not hasten for divorce, but try to reconcile, especially that you mentioned that she is not all bad, i.e. she has good traits, and the Prophet said: “A believing man should not hate a believing woman (i.e. his wife). If he hates one of her traits, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim]
In case she becomes recalcitrant, then you should discipline her by following certain steps which the Sharee’ah clarified and which are mentioned in Fatwa 85402.
If at the end marital life is impossible and divorce is the best solution, then divorce her, especially that you do not have children from her yet, and divorce in this case is easier.
Allaah Knows best.