All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu 'alyhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Suicide is one of the gravest major sins and whoever commits this sin deserves to reside eternally in Hell, as Allaah the Almighty Says (what means): {And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allaah is to you ever Merciful. And whoever does that in aggression and injustice - then We will drive him into a Fire. And that, for Allaah, is [always] easy.} [Quran 4:29-30]. You may also refer to Fataawa 81819, 84296, and 96097.
In the previously mentioned Fataawa, we clarified the impermissibility of committing suicide under any circumstances. Thus, being a loser and always being afflicted with disease can never be a valid justification for committing suicide. In fact, thinking of committing suicide for the sake of getting rid of life’s troubles indicates a lack of faith in Allaah the Almighty and in His decree and fate. It is proof of a person’s dissatisfaction with what has been predestined for him and his lack of belief in meeting Allaah the Almighty and his final reckoning.
Conversely, a person who believes in Allaah the Almighty, His fate and decrees, and in meeting Him, and who confidently believes in His promises and threats, will certainly submit and bow to the inevitable. Moreover, he will praise Allaah in good and bad times and never stop worshiping Him. He will show his gratitude to Allaah for His blessings and will be patient during times of calamity. This person knows in their heart that the only way to flee from Allaah is to flee to Him, that protection and refuge are only found with Him, and that none can prevent what He gives or give what He prevents and that none can change His decree.
With these beliefs and perspective on life, a believer will encounter all their worldly affairs lightheartedly, knowing that everything occurs in accordance with what has been decreed by Allaah the Almighty. This is supported by the Hadeeth where the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, mentioned that a believer’s affairs are all for his benefit, and this is only a privilege for the believer. When endowed with a blessing he must show gratitude to Allaah and this is good for him, and when afflicted by a calamity, he must keep patient and this is also good for him. [Muslim, Ibn Hibbaan and others].
Therefore, you can treat your failures with true and perfect reliance on Allaah the Almighty, by using available means of success, having a strong will, keeping company with righteous people who are ambitious and avoiding the company of evil or lazy people.
As for your affliction, it can be driven away with supplication and by truly seeking refuge in Allaah, because affliction is from Allaah and He alone is capable of removing it. Allaah the Almighty Says (what means): {Is He [not best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil.} [Quran 27:62]
In a Hadeeth on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, mentioned that cautiousness cannot prevent fate from taking effect and that supplication is beneficial for driving affliction away, whether it is current or approaching. He also added that if affliction is on its way, supplication drives it back. [Al-Haakim]
We would also like to draw your attention to a very important thing. If you mean by your saying, “I am always fickle in my beliefs,” that you have doubts and suspicions about some of the indisputably-established facts of religion, then you are facing a serious problem. Seek treatment immediately by adhering to the Quran and Sunnah, keeping the company of scholars and seeking refuge in Allaah the Almighty from Satan. For further information on this see Fataawa 85275 and 84807.
As for your words about you being fickle in your sense of belonging to your country, we do not know exactly what you mean by that, however it is by no means significant. What is really important for a Muslim is to be sincerely loyal to Allaah the Almighty, His Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, His religion and to other believers. This is what really counts in the sight of Allaah the Almighty.
Finally, we pray that Allaah will guide us all to what pleases and to what satisfies Him.
Allaah Knows best.