Relations between her husband and parents are strained

22-12-2013 | IslamWeb

Question:

Assalaam alaikum My husband is my parents' paternal cousin and unfortunately, they do not get on well with each other. They are always having petty and meaningless arguments and I am caught in the middle. My husband hardly talks to them or visits them and when they visit us, he is very cold toward them. If I say anything, he gets angry with me and says I do not care for him and I should go back to them if I don't like his behaviour. On the other hand, my parents say similar things if I try to talk to them and ask them not to argue with him. THis is all very stressful for me but what can I do? I try to make peace between them but they still manage to create situations leading to argumetns. Please advise me on how I can deal with this. Neither party is willing to listen and it is very very difficult to be in the middle of this situation. Jazakallah khairun.

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger.

If the situation between your husband and your parents is as you mentioned, then there is no doubt that you are afflicted. Hence, we first advise you to be patient as patience is the best solution at times of affliction. Please refer to Fatwa 83577 about the virtue of patience.

You should supplicate Allaah as much as possible to reconcile their hearts and take away their estrangement. You should not despair in supplicating as Allaah is able to do all things.

It is best to find and try to eliminate the causes of this misunderstanding, and to seek the help of righteous people in this regard. Bringing adversaries together is one of the best acts of worship; Allaah says (what means): {No good is there in much of their private conversation, except for those who enjoin charity or that which is right or conciliation between people. And whoever does that seeking means to the approval of Allaah — then We are going to give him a great reward.} [Quran 4:114]

Abu Ad-Dardaa’ narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Should I not tell you what has a higher degree than fasting, prayer and charity?” They said: “Yes.” He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “It is to reconcile differences, for discord is the shaver (i.e. destructive to faith)” [Abu Daawood and At-Tirmithi]

Also, you should remind them of the ties of kinship between them, which they are obliged to maintain and are forbidden from severing, hoping that Allaah would guide them to His straight path.

On the other hand, you should be wise in dealing with the matter and give both your husband and your parents their rights. In case there is conflict between those two rights, then the right of your husband takes priority. Shaykh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said: “If a woman gets married, her husband has more rights over her than her parents, and she is more obliged to obey her husband than her parents.”

For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 107622. 

Allaah Knows best.