Husband should not honor his mother at the expense of his wife
6-3-2014 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salaam I am hoping You are able to assist me with my problem. I have been married for 11 years and have three children. Recently the last three years of so my husband and I experiencing problems mainly rated to his mother causing problems she verbal abuses me and then denies and when I raised this to my husband he was angry with me stating I was lying Etc my mother in law also swore on the Quran saying she did not swear at me. My mother in law lives in Pakistan this occurred she she visited us in uk time has passed but my husband constantly reminds me of how upset she still is because of the "false" accusations I made against her regarding the verbal abuse this leads to silly arguments resulting in him not speaking to me and the incident occurred with the mother in law over 4years Ago. Also I work full time and pay all household bills mortgage etc so he can save his income to send all hismoney to his mum and save for her hajj. I have a lot of pressure on me to manage the house and do all that he should be doing and sadly cannot leave work as he will not be able to manage to run both the house and save for hajj and send money go his mum but he really is not respective of me and does not realise how much I am helping him also every time I try to talk to him he doesn't want to listen plus there is no one in family or friends who I can discuss with to assist pls advise what to do this is really stressing me but he does not seem to care if how I feel
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Husbands are commanded in Islam to be kind to their wives and we have already clarified the injunctions concerning this in Fatwa 88304.
If a wife helps her husband provide maintenance and undertakes some of the duties that are usually the husband’s duty, then this is even more reason to treat her kindly. Honorable people are grateful for the kindness that others do for them and they return that kindness with kindness. Hence, if your husband mistreats you in the manner that you mentioned, then he is very wrong. Moreover, it is strange that the cause of this is a problem that happened between his wife and his mother many years ago. He should not do so, even if the wife was wrong, let alone when he does not know for sure the details of what had happened.
Indeed, problems often take place between wives and their mother-in-laws, and the reasonableness, wisdom and tolerance of the husband are the most important matters that help in solving those problems or in removing their effects. The fact that he values the status of his mother and her right is good but this should not cause him being unjust to his wife. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 83967 and 86372.
Dear sister, we advise you to be patient and to supplicate for your husband and try to reach mutual understanding with him using wisdom and good words in light of what we have mentioned.
We ask Allaah to set things right and facilitate matters and guide everyone to do what pleases Him, as Allaah is near and He responds to supplications.
Allaah Knows best.