Need for money does not justify an unlawful relationship
24-12-2014 | IslamWeb
Question:
salam alikoum, me and my wife we are married for seven months, she is older than me and she has kids we live far from eachotherand sometimes she come to me or i go to her and we stay together, this days im not working so i didn't give her anything, she started to complain that she needs me as a man taking care of her,and this days she changed her behavior with me she became cold and carless, unti i discovred that she go with another man when i contacted that man he told me that she said she is not married, and when i faced her with that she became angry she told me i wasn't supposed to call him and talk to her first, and she told me that im not providing and because that she told the man she is not married because he is intrested on her to marry and because of that, the man became generos with her, and now he is her provider and give her sadaqa to buy food for the kids just because he thinks that he"ll marry her, and she told me she never met him alone, she said she always been with a friend female, now im confused, insecure, hurt, dying from jealousy angry and regret that im not taking my responsibility, i asked her many times if she want talak sometimes she said no, sometime she said yes, sometimes she said it's up to me and blaming all the time that because of me our marriage came to this situation, many times i almost give her talaq i stoped in the last melisecond, because im in love with my wife,my love for her i can't describe it, im trying to give dawa but wether she doesn't listen or she say because i make dhan of her that she is making zinna, i have always be patient and wise with my wife but now i lost my wisdom my patieny and im so depressed from said i don't want to lose my wife that i love and from said im afraid that im now dayuth and that my wife she'll take a habit from saying she is not married to men who are interested on her to get money, in the meantime i don't want to opress he neither myself, please give me fatwa and advice me.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Please refer to Fatwa 85361.
If the husband happened to have financial troubles, it would be good for the wife to be patient and supportive of her husband even if it meant her providing for herself — if she had money — with the financial support remaining in the liability of the husband, if she wished. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85012 and 86141.
But it is not permissible for her to live unkindly with her husband because of him not providing for her. Rather, she should fulfill her duty towards her husband even if he falls short of fulfilling his duty towards her. It is a disaster and a grave sin that this leads to her having an unlawful relationship with a man. Please refer to Fatwa 81356.
Your situation with her and the fact that she used to meet this man with a female friend do not legitimize committing such a sin. If she persists in having such unlawful relationships, then she is considered a recalcitrant wife. Please refer to Fatwa 85402 about treating the wife’s recalcitrance.
Finally, if she stops committing that sin, this is good; otherwise you should not keep her as your wife any longer on account of her disgraceful actions; she could tarnish your honor and could even attribute another man’s child to you. To keep her in marriage in that case is a kind of cuckoldry. In this case, you are advised to divorce her without regret. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 241381.
Allaah Knows best.