Husband should consider wives' feelings when giving gifts
3-3-2015 | IslamWeb
Question:
Dear Sheikh me and my husband are having a lot of problem regarding equality between 2 wives he recently took second wife, we are living in separated house but on weekend we meet in his quest house to spend the weekend or holidays, and when we are together if she request for something like fruit or icy cream money he will buy it for only her without considering me and the kids and i never asked him why he didn bought it for me too since its her right to have what she asked for, but if i asked him for something he will buy 2 one for me and one for her and if its money i ask cant give it to me without me begging him i.e please, for god sake, then he can give me some of what am asking for but not all beside he can effort it and he will call her infront of me and give to her too and when i complain why if she asked is just for her and when i asked its for both of us he will became angry at me and accurse me of hasada, and bad intention toward her and most of the time he can use bad words on me , i try to make him understand that if i request for something is my right to have it, along unless she also request for it and that is hurting my felling because it looks like i have no any right for myself over my husband without her, and sometimes i used to fell like his helping her to compete with me like when i say i wanted to buy something then he can immediately asked her to buy it too in front of me, or when i talk to her about something that i mean good he will quickly became defensive of her like a mother trying to depend her child from someone who can harm him, or when she did some thing not right he can say she is just a child unlike me, but for me i used to fell it is wrong to say a 28 years old is just a baby and 30 years old is an adult just because she get married early, please sir anything you reply i will let him read it too,it is my right to asked him something just for my self without her or not, please give him some advice of how to be adel for 2 .
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
There is no doubt that it is an obligation on the husband to be just with his wives. Being just is the condition by which it is permissible for a man to take more than one wife. Allaah The Exalted says (what means): {…then marry those that please you of women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one.} [Quran 4:3]
Being just with wives in terms of financial maintenance means that he must give each enough to cover her basic needs. Beyond those basic needs, he has the right to give whatever gifts he wishes to any of his wives and he is not obliged to give a similar gift to each wife. Please refer to Fataawa 91417 and 174179.
However, the husband is advised to be thoughtful; whenever he gives any of them a gift, he should be considerate of the other wife's feelings and avoid making her sad. This is a part of being kind to the wife, as is legislated. Moreover, it was the practice of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to have consideration for the feelings of others. ‘Abdullaah Ibn ‘Abbaas 
narrated that As-Sa‘b ibn Jaththaamah Al-Laythi gave some zebra meat to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, while he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was in either Al-Abwa’ or Waddaan. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, declined to accept it. When he saw the sadness on Al-Laythi's face, he said to him: "We declined to accept your gift only because we are in the state of Ihraam (ritual state of consecration)." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] If this is the Islamic attitude towards people in general, then how about one's wife and life partner to whom he is bonded by a solemn covenant! Allaah The Exalted says (what means): {And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:21]
In any case, the husband should try his best to treat his wives fairly in everything. Marriage should be governed by mutual respect and understanding. Also, co-wives are advised to strive to maintain good relations as this helps both of them gain the husband's affection. They should also try to strive towards the family's stability and a good upbringing of their children. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 91150.
Allaah Knows best.