Taking wife back despite continuous problems
23-11-2016 | IslamWeb
Question:
Dear sir, I am a 36-year-old man. I married a woman who is 27 years old. After getting married, we started facing problems. She does not know anything regarding housework; in addition to that, she is lazy. She also tells her parents about things that happen between us. One day, we had a problem that necessitated her parents to visit us. When they came, they insulted me and threatened me. I discovered that they are not good people. They are ignorant and vulgar. She was pregnant at the time, so I kept her at home, but I did not talk with her until I would send her to her parents to give birth to our child because I hated that her parents would come to my home. Then things got complicated after that; we talked on the phone and I complained about what she and her parents did. She defended her parents, so I understood that she was not feeling any guilt or regret. I divorced her on the phone. She sent me a message in which she offended my dignity. Later on, my uncle interfered and understood that she still wanted to come back home. Then her uncle called my uncle to solve the problem. I consulted my mother, but she refused to let me uphold the marriage with her because she taught that the girl is not compatible with me, and she feared that her parents would cause me harm in the future. Now, I am thinking of giving my wife a chance, but at the same time, I do fear the future and what might happen if problems continue to arise. Advise me, and may Allaah reward you.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
We do not know what would happen if the problems between you and your wife continued; it is most likely that divorce would take place again. The core of the problem between you and your wife may be the fact that she tells her parents what happens between the two of you, as you mentioned, and this led to their interference and then accordingly the situation got complicated. The spouses should try as much as possible to avoid problems, and if they do occur, then they should try to solve them without anyone else interfering. The parents should also try to reconcile between the spouses to the best of their abilities.
If you hope that there will be benefit in taking your wife back in marriage, then try to convince your mother to give her consent to it. If she is convinced, then that would be the desired objective; otherwise, you should know that you have the right to take your wife back without the consent of your mother in marriage if you wish to do so. The children's obedience to the parents is confined to that which is good (and lawful) and causes no harm for the children, as has been advised by the scholars. Please refer to fatwa 130549.
If you fear that the problems will continue, then let her go and do not take her back. Sometimes divorce could be the better solution. Ibn Qudaamah 
wrote, “It might be that the situation between the two spouses is bad and it would be a pure evil and harm for the marriage to continue by obliging the husband to provide sustenance and shelter and retain the wife despite their bad relationship and the state of continuous quarrel without any benefit. All this entailed the legitimacy of breaking the bond of marriage so that the harm would be brought to an end.”
Allah knows best.