Husband does not give wife allowance nor takes children out
21-12-2017 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaamu alaykum. I have been married for 10 years and have three kids, praise be to Allah. I live in the West, away from my family. My husband is a good man, but like all human beings, he has a few weaknesses. I have been tolerant and patient with his ways, praise be to Allah. My question is regarding the fact that my husband does not give me the freedom to spend money. Even when it comes to groceries, I can buy what is essential only and must give him the list. I cannot buy the kids clothing without his approval. As for my clothing, I am filled with guilt, even if I think of it. Most of the time, he tells me to wait till I go back home. I hate going shopping because it makes me sad to see things that I like and am unable to buy. Is my husband treating me fairly? Can I request some allowance for my personal needs without having to show my husband how I spend every cent. I have begun to feel quite depressed, as I feel like I am a prisoner and a slave. I have lost joy in life. My husband is a serious person who does not really do fun things. I feel like I have to nag and have a fight just to be able to take the kids for an outing. I have to stress that these are his weaknesses. Other than that, he prays, fasts, gives charity, and helps the poor and needy. Am I sinful because I wish to enjoy life and be like others? Is it my right to expect these things from my husband?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
May Allah reward you for your keenness on enduring your husband's situation. We ask Him to bless your marriage, grant you marital stability, and render your children a source of comfort and bliss for you both. Verily, He is near and He answers the supplications.
It is your right over your husband that he provides for you and your children reasonably. If he is a miser in this respect, it is permissible for you to take what suffices you and your children (for your basic needs) from him, even without his knowledge, as we have underlined in fatwa 85541. If he fulfills this duty, then he has fulfilled this right justly. If he falls short in fulfilling this right for no valid excuse, then he has committed an act of injustice.
The husband should not overly investigate his wife's every action, and such behavior may negatively affect the stability of their marital life. The spouses should foster mutual trust and keenly seek mutual understanding while giving each other the benefit of the doubt. It is thus that life becomes stable and the family lives in peace and bliss. If he fears for your safety when going out to the market or to a picnic alone, he may organize his time such that he goes out with you. We believe that this is an easy thing to do.
There is no harm that you ask your husband to give you an allowance to buy your needs without having to inform him of how you spend every cent. We hope that you try to take it easy upon yourself and to ward off anxiety, lest you cause yourself harm. At the same time, try reaching a mutual understanding with your husband and seek the help of those whom he trusts from his family, relatives, and friends. Undoubtedly, you should seek, before all that, the help of Allah to rectify and facilitate your affairs.
Lastly, we would like to emphasize the importance of preserving the family and avoiding whatever leads to disputes, which often lead to separation, which tears the family apart and drive the children to loss.
Allah knows best.