Her Husband Calls Her Disobedient For Everything She Does

3-1-2019 | IslamWeb

Question:

Salam aleikum I have a question about the Word nashez ( disobedient wife) as my husband calls me this many Times a day. He tells me every day almost that Prophet Rasoul Allah have made lana for women like me and that i Will never feel the smell of jennah . If i forget to close a door inside Home he calls me nashez , if i dont make bread exactly on the pLace he told me then im nashez , if i make cheese on the "wrong " pLace inside the fridge then im nashez. He goes Most of the day complaining about everything i do and calls me nashez. He dosent just axcept that in a marriage u can compromiseor do things diffrent than each other. And he calls me this infront of our 3 Children. He Think that a wife in islam isent allowed to have her own feelings but instead she must be slave and totally controlled by husband and his brother do same . His wife get beaten often and full of bruses even when pregnant . She isent allowed to go out alone anywhere or have friends . She is locked inside the Home and when i tell my husband its haram to treat a wife like that then my husband say that sahabi zubayr used to take both his wifes and hit their head together and that even after that Rasoul Allah Said zubayr was one of the 10 guaranted jennah so he Said if it was haram then Prophet would say something but he dident . Please answer in private .. jazak allahu khairan

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

Allah Commanded the husbands to maintain good marital relations with their wives. Allah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4:19]

The Prophet acted likewise with his wives, as he treated them well and was kind to them. He said: "The best amongst you, are those who are best (in treatment) to their wives, and I am the best to my wives." [Ibn Maajah and At-Tirmithi]

Therefore, if your husband treats you in the manner that you mentioned, then he is acting contrarily to the Divine etiquette and this Prophetic guidance.

The commandment to be kind to the wife is because she is a human being like all human beings who has feelings that should be taken into account; to say otherwise is a lie.

Although the wife is commanded to obey her husband, this obedience does not mean that her husband becomes oppressive towards her and enslaves her. The obedience of the wife to her husband is in order to organize and arrange the affairs of the family. Also, her obedience to him is not absolute, but it is restricted to matters of marital life. We have already issued Fataawa 89815 and 93972 clarifying this matter.

Nushooz (i.e. the disobedience and rebellion of the wife) is an Islamic term that has its proper meaning that the scholars mentioned; so it is wrong to use it inappropriately.

Ibn Qudaamah said:

"The meaning of Nushooz is her disobedience to her husband concerning a right (of the husband) which she is obliged to fulfil by virtue of the marriage contract." [End of quote]

Even if the wife is disobedient, there is a wise Islamic etiquette in treating this Nushooz. The story of Az-Zubayr ibn Al-'Awwaam with his wife, was classified as inauthentic by the scholars.

Az-Zubayr would not do this act as he was pious and righteous. Even if we presume that any of this report is true, then this is not something praiseworthy; rather, it is something which will be forgiven–Allah willing – and he should not be imitated in this regard. The best guidance is the guidance of the Prophet who was the role model for the nation to be followed.

Beating the wife and transgressing her unjustly is undoubtedly forbidden. Allah Says (what means): {But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.} [Quran 4:34]

Al-Qurtubi said in his Tafseer about the above verse: "If you have power over them, then remember the Might of Allah; Allah’s Might is over every might, so no one should transgress against his wife, as Allah Almighty, is indeed in observation and watching." [End of quote]

What we have mentioned about your husband in his bad treatment for you is the same thing that we say about the treatment of his brother to his wife. One must advise them and remind them of Allah Almighty, and supplicate Allah as much as possible to guide them and rectify them; seek the help of righteous and rational people in this regard.

In conclusion, we would like to draw your attention to the two following matters:

1- If your husband had told you that you will not smell the scent of Paradise, then he had involved himself in what does not concern him, and talked about a matter which in the control of Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. This is indeed a very serious matter. Jundub ibn 'Abdullah reported that the Prophet said about a man who once said: "By Allah! Allah will not forgive so-and-so (a person).' Thereupon Allah, the Exalted and the Glorious, said: 'Who is he who takes an oath in My Name that I will not grant pardon to so-and-so? I have granted pardon to so-and-so and rendered your good deeds fruitless.'" [Muslim]

2- The fact that your husband does not know that the Prophet forbade beatings, does not mean that the Prophet did not forbid it. The truth is that he forbade it. Hence, your husband must beware speaking on behalf of Allah and His Prophet without knowledge.

For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 366796, 84120, 88304 and 86618.

Allah knows best.