A Wife Disobeying Her Husband Not Knowing That It Is Obligatory on Her to Obey Him
23-8-2021 | IslamWeb
Question:
As-Salamu Alaykum
What is the ruling on a wife who doesn't like to be ordered around by the husband or anyone in her family? ?s it an disobedient wife because she fails to obey husband or is it pride and is it a sin or is it (may Allah protect us from this) at the level of kufr of arrogance or kufr?
(Bytheway it can be that she doesn't know the ruling of obeying the husband because she never heard about that)
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The wife is Islamically enjoined to obey her husband in what is permissible; here it is related to matters of marriage and its consequences, as indicated by the jurists.
Therefore, a wife would be disobedient if she disobeys her husband in matters related to marriage. Ibn Qudaamah 
said in Al-Mughni: “What is meant by disobedience is her disobedience to her husband regarding the rights that he has upon her, that were given to him by virtue of the contract of marriage.” [End of quote]
She is sinful by her disobedience to him, but she does not become a disbeliever by that. If she does not know that it is obligatory on her to obey her husband in what is permissible, then there is no sin on her. Because knowledge is a condition for being commissioned to religious duties; Allah Says (what means): {And Allah would not let a people stray after He has guided them until He makes clear to them what they should avoid. Indeed, Allah is Knowing of all things.} [Quran 115]
The wife has to strive herself in this aspect just as she strives herself in the other aspects of obedience, so she enters Paradise because of her husband and her obedience to him. Similarly, the wife is a gate for the husband to Paradise by his good treatment of her. ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf 
narrated that the Prophet said: “When a woman observes the five daily prayers, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘enter paradise from any of its gates you wish.’” [Ahmad]
Just as a woman is obligated to obey her husband in what is permissible, she must also obey her parents in what is permissible. The jurists conditioned this obedience to matters in which there is benefit to them while there is no harm on her.
In general, as long as she is able to obey her parents, she should do so in order to gain their pleasure; pleasing the parents is pleasing Allah as confirmed in the Sunnah.
Allah knows best.