All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allah to purify your heart, and rectify your condition.
You should know that deliberately thinking about sexual imaginations and getting carried away with them and not repelling them, while enjoying that, is forbidden in Islam.
Al-Qadhi Hussein, from the Shafi’i School of jurisprudence, said as in Tuhfatul-Muhtaj: “Since it is forbidden to look at what is not lawful to look at, it is also forbidden to look at what is not permissible, as Allah Says (what means): {And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others.} [Quran 4:32] Allah forbade wishing what is not lawful just as He forbade looking at what is not lawful to look at.” [End of quote]
A group of jurists stated that it is forbidden to drink water while imagining it as wine and having intercourse with one’s wife while imagining her as a woman other than his wife.
Forbidden sexual imaginations are considered as metaphorical Zina (fornication or adultery) not actual Zina.
Allah Knows best.