Maintaining Ties of Kinship
15-8-2022 | IslamWeb
Question:
How to uphold ties with the non mahram relatives like first cousins and in-laws ?My family thinks I am extreme because I only say Salaam and talk to them when there is a need and I believe we have to help them when there are financially not good or give them gifts through my mother to connect ties.Please evidences from the Qur'an and Authentic Hadith
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds, and peace and blessing be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and all his companions.
The religious texts from Quran and Sunnah are full of commands to maintain ties of kinship and warn against severing such ties of relationship, and those texts did not detail - as far as we know - how to maintain them. We have explained in previous Fatwas that maintaining ties of kinship means to be beneficent and treat kinship in a good manner, and such maintaining of ties has different levels which is determined based on custom and traditions. So, whatever is conventionally considered maintaining ties of kinship, then it is, and whatever is conventionally considered a severance, then it is. We mentioned the statements of the jurists regarding the grades of maintaining ties of kinship, whereas the minimum grade is not to desert them, and the highest grade is to strive to deliver the good to them and push the evil away from them.
Imam An-Nawawi said in his explanation on Sahih Muslim: As for maintaining ties of kinship, it is to be kind to the relatives according to the conditions and circumstances of the maintainer and the relative. For instance, sometimes it can be by giving money, sometimes by delivering services, sometimes by visiting and greetings, etc.
He also said that: Al-Qadhi ‘Iyadh said that there is no difference in opinion that maintaining ties of kinship is obligatory in general, and severing them is a big sin, and he added: The Hadeeths in this context witness to this conclusion. However, maintaining ties of kinship incorporates various ranks, whereas the lowest rank is not to desert them, keep in touch with them even by greeting, and it varies according to the capability and the need, sometimes it is obligatory, and sometimes it is desirable. If a person partially maintains it, then he is not considered a severer, but if he fails to maintain the minimum limit that he can afford, then he is not considered a maintainer.
Al-Hafidh Ibn Al-Hajar said in (Fat’h Al-Bari Sharh Sahih Al-Bukhari): "Maintaining ties of kinship can be by giving money, helping in need, pushing away the harm, meeting with a cheerful face, and making.
Duaa for them. In general, it means to deliver the good to them as possible and push the evil away as possible.
If this becomes clear to you, then look at your situation with your relatives. Where are you from the statements mentioned by the jurists? Then you will know whether you are a maintainer or severer of the ties of kinship or perhaps in a position between them. As for what you mentioned in your question that you do not greet them and do not talk to them; if you mean that you do not welcome or speak with them whenever you meet them, then this is some sort of desertion and a part of the severance of the ties of kinship. So, try your best to greet your relatives and talk to them and ask about them.
Allah knows best.