A Woman Seeking to End Her Marriage
29-4-2025 | IslamWeb
Question:
Ive been married for almost one year and i have done the nikkah. I find my partner to be extremely controlling and he never calls me by my name oi, yes. He doesn't do anything around the house. He controlling of what i wear where i go and has isolated me. I know deep down inside he's a nasty man and he is old school even though we are the same age. I am 13 weeks pregnant everyone knows. My dad has asked if i want to leave him, but there like consequence against the men of him taking someone daughter and treating her bad and if i leave they wont take it easy. I think thats what hold me back. Im so scared i want to divorce him because i know he make me miserable, im scared of the consequence and backlash and my parents to. What if he takes the child off me and tell me go then. I just have fear of the unknown i don't want to be a horrible mum because he makes me miserable . What do i do
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and his Companions.
Shariah (Islamic law) commands husbands to treat their wives kindly, as Allah says: {And treat them with kindness.} [Quran 4:19]
This encompasses all forms of good treatment, such as calling one’s wife by names she loves, doing things that bring her happiness, giving her compliment and the like, and assisting her in household matters whenever possible, as exemplified in the teachings of the Prophet .
We advise you to pray for your husband’s well-being and offer him sincere advice in a kind manner. If needed, seek the help of someone who might have a positive influence on him, to remind him of the importance of maintaining the family structure and strengthening the bond between its members. The negative effects of family disintegration, especially on children, are well observed.
You may also reach out to your fellow Muslim brothers at an Islamic center, where they can work to mediate between you and your husband, as well as between you and your family, helping you address the situation with wisdom. We do not recommend rushing into divorce, as it may not be the best solution. Patience is preferable to preserve the family unity and protect the children from harm. We emphasize the importance of prayer, asking Allah, the Almighty, to ease the path to reconciliation.
Furthermore, it is an established principle in Shariah that Allah has granted the husband Qiwamah (leadership) over his wife. Allah says in the Quran: {Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because of the provision Allah has given one over the other, and because they provide for them from their wealth.} [Quran 4:34]
This leadership is not about subjugation or domination; it is rather a responsibility for managing and organizing the affairs of the family. The wife is required to obey her husband in matters that do not involve disobedience to Allah. This includes managing family matters, and there is no harm in respectfully discussing with him or convincing him to allow you to do things that do not violate Shariah and are not harmful to you.
Finally, the husband should understand this and grant permission to his wife as a way of showing kindness to her, as this helps strengthen the bond between them, fostering affection and emotional stability. This is one of the great objectives of marriage in Shariah. Allah says: {And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in this are signs for people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21]
Allah knows best.