Advising husband if he commits a prohibited deed
11-3-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
I found out that my husband chats online with other women and I do not know what to do with him? We have young daughters whom he prevents from watching satellite channels on the pretext that they violate the rulings of Sharee‘ah. I am not negligent towards his needs. Is it permissible for me to monitor him? What should I do? How can I advise him?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
We ask Allaah The Almighty to relieve your burden and to guide your husband to the right path.
We advise you to pray to Allaah The Almighty to guide him to the right way and try to advise him gently. Tell him that what he is doing is prohibited and that he would not consent to one of his daughters or relatives doing the same. Moreover, you can relate to him the story that was narrated on the authority of Abu Umaamah 
. He said that a young man came to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and asked him to permit him to commit adultery. In response, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked him if he would accept that for his mother, sister, daughter or aunt. The man said that he would not, so the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told him that no one would not like that for their relatives. [Ahmad]
You should also warn him that if any of his daughters discovers what he is doing, she would despise him because he prevented them from watching satellite channels on the pretext of violating the rulings of Sharee‘ah. She may even try to do the same and that may lead her to the way of corruption and committing sins, which would be a scandal and disgrace that could never be removed. We ask Allaah The Almighty to protect us.
In order to avoid such problems, try to engage your husband in doing something useful. You should do this in an indirect way that would not result in an opposite reaction.
You should not monitor your husband as this may harm you. Perhaps you are already starting to suffer from anxiety and obsessive doubts. You have to avoid this as our Sharee’ah (Islamic law) has prohibited invading people’s privacy and investigating their wrongdoings. It was narrated on the authority of Ibn ‘Umar 
that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, forbade us from harming the believers or spying on them. Moreover, he said that the one who does this is not considered a believer by heart but only by tongue.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, warned us that the one who does this would be exposed by Allaah The Almighty if he did not stop. [At-Tirmithi] This applies to all people so it is worthier to be applied with one's husband.
If you are certain that he is looking at pornography or is flirting with non-Mahram (marriageable) women, you should advise him and remind him of his Shar‘i (legislative) obligation. If he stops, it would be all right but if he does not, you would not be sinful, Allaah willing, since you have advised him. Actually, this is all that you can do. We ask Allaah The Almighty to guide all Muslims.
Allaah Knows best.