Sharee‘ah vision: repeated sitting with fiancée to know her nature
13-1-2014 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am a 20-year-old man. Allaah, The Almighty, Granted me the blessing of being engaged to a girl who puts herself and blood as a means of sacrifice for her religion because of her good morals and connection to her Lord. I believe her as such and Allaah Knows her well. Praise is due to Allaah, I did not look at her except for once or twice for a short time in the presence of her family. I fear that I may— after concluding the marriage contract— see dispraised characteristics and traits. Is it permissible for me to sit with her in the presence of the family while she wears her full Hijaab in order to know her extensively, for she will be my life mate? I am certain that if I go beyond the Sharee‘ah of Allaah in any affair of this marriage— which I think to be my safeguard against Fitan— there will be certain punishment from Allaah, The Almighty. So, I never think about uttering a word that angers Allaah, The Almighty. Please advise.
May Allaah Reward you.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
The permissible look at the woman whom the man proposes to is to know each other's appearance. The purpose behind it is not to know each other's characteristics. It is hard to know the characteristics and traits through looking, gazing or sittings. Knowing the characteristics of a person needs living with that person for a long time and experiencing different situations in life. It is also said that the characteristics of a person would be known well when travelling because this reveals the character of the person. There are many people whom we know and meet regularly, but we do not know their real morals because people pretend in their dealings. However, the original morals appear during times of calamity and infliction.
There is no way to know the character of the fiancé or fiancée other than through long companionship. This can not be achieved without marriage. Therefore, the arguments and justifications of people who have unlawful relations during the engagement period under the pretext of knowing the character and tempers of each other are refuted. Despite these relations that violate honor, they do not achieve these goals because everyone pretends to be good and hides the downsides of his character. This happens when dealing with any person and it becomes clearer between an engaged couple. Hence, the right way to follow in this regard is by asking about the morals and character of the suitor or the woman through people who know this person and live with her, seeking the advice of wise people and knowing the family of the person, including the siblings and parents. One should look for religiousness and Islamic morals. This suffices and leaves no need for other matters which will not result in goodness.
Allaah Knows best.