Wife seeking divorce from irresponsible, porno-watching husband
4-7-2001 | IslamWeb
Question:
I want a divorce from my husband, and I have some questions and need your advice. He divorced me twice: once during my menses and another shortly following sex relations. Are they valid? Now he only becomes aroused after watching porno movies which I find distasteful. He also does not satisfy me sexually. Advice and counseling with him do not help. Also, he fails to take proper care of me and our child. Who will get custody of the child if we divorce? Please advise.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Your husband is committing a great major sin by watching pornography as he neglects what is lawful for him and seeks pleasure through forbidden matters. There is no doubt that watching pornography is also a kind of Zina (fornication or adultery) as the Prophet said: "Allah has written for the child of Adam his/her share of Zina (fornication and adultery) which he/ she commits inevitably. The Zina of the eye is the sight (i.e. to gaze at what is forbidden), the Zina of the ears is the hearing (i.e. listening to what is forbidden), the Zina of the tongue is the speech (i.e. saying what is forbidden), the Zina of the hand is the touching (i.e. illicit touching), the Zina of the feet is the walking (i.e. to forbidden places) and the heart desires and wishes, while the private part ratifies that or denies it." [Muslim]
In addition to this, this bad practice is considered as denying the blessings of Allah whereas His Blessings should be used only in His Obedience. We ask Allah to guide you and us to what pleases Him. Anyway, we advise you to exhort your husband to give up this bad practice and you should persuade him to fulfill the obligations imposed by Allah on him. It is better to ask pious persons from both families (yours and his) to reconcile your relations. And it is also useful to seek the help of righteous people whom you think might have influence on him to advise and admonish him. If he does not accept advice and does not want to adhere to the right path, then there is no benefit in continuing to live with him. In this case, you may ask for divorce from him or take your case to an Islamic court, if any, or to the Muslim authorities in order to repel injustice from you. This is the answer to your first question.
As for your second question, the two divorces which are declared previously are effective according to the Sharee’ah. Basically, it is forbidden for the husband to divorce his wife while she is in her menstrual period. But once he issues a divorce, it becomes effective. This rule is based on the Hadeeth of Ibn 'Umar Ibn Al-Khattab 
who divorced his wife during her menses and the Prophet ordered him to take her back till she became pure, and when she got another period while she was with him, she should wait till she became pure again and only then, if he wanted to divorce her, he could do so before having sexual relations with her. And that is the period Allah has fixed for divorcing women. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The second divorce which occurred after having sexual intercourse is also Islamically effective even though it is not from the Sunnah that a man divorces his wife in the period in which he had had sex with her. If he divorces you now that means he will have divorced you three times and this divorce is called in the Sharee’ah an irrevocable divorce [i.e. you become forbidden for him unless you marry another man [who consummates the marriage with you and then dies or divorces you].
As regards your third and fourth questions, you are more entitled to take custody and care of your child as long as you do not remarry, for the Hadeeth narrated in Al-Musnad, Sunnan Abu Daawood and Al-Mustadrak that a woman complained to the Prophet that her husband who divorced her wanted to take their son with him. Thereupon, the Prophet said: “You have more rights over him (the son) than the son's father as long as you do not remarry”. This rule applies to every divorced woman who is capable and suitable to fulfill the religious duties and other needs of a child. She deserves to look after her child till the age of discerning, i.e. the stage when a child could distinguish between what is good for him and what is bad, and could take care of himself. When a child reaches this stage, if his parents dispute over taking care of him and both of them are equal in their ability to take care of the child as far as the religious and other matters are concerned, then one of them becomes liable to take care of him following the results of casting lots between them. This rule is from the Hadeeth reporting that a woman came to the Prophet and said: “My husband wants to take away my son now, while he brings water from the Inabah well (a well in Madeenah) and he becomes useful for me. The Prophet said: "Cast lots between both of you. Then the Prophet 'alayhi wa sallam, said to the child: "This is your father and this is your mother, choose one of them. He chose his mother and she took him”. [Abu Dawood].
We would like to point out here that in your case the father does not have any right to look after his child from the facts mentioned in the question. With regard to your question about how to spend your waiting period, then you should spend your waiting period as any divorced woman. The waiting period of a woman who is still in the age of menstruation is three menstrual periods. Allah Says (what means): {Divorced women remain in waiting [i.e. do not remarry] for three periods.}[Quran 2:228]. The waiting period of those who are pregnant is until they give birth. Allah Says (what means): {And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the 'Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubts (about their periods), is three months, and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their 'Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]. And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands are dead), their 'Iddah (prescribed period) is until they deliver (their burdens).} [Quran 65:4].
Allah knows best.