Depressed Over Past Love Affair
31-10-2001 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am from The Hague in Holland. I have this problem and I really hope you can give me an advice that will help, because i am really desperate. I had a relationship for about 7 years. We had plans to get married. Suddenly he left me because I was not good enough for him anymore. He says that he loves me but he can not spend the rest of his life with me. That really broke my heart. We had our problems, but because we loved each other so much the love always helped us to forget our problems and move on. After we got separated I met another man who wants to marry me. I know him for about a year now. At first I was so in love I wanted him to be my husband. The man I am seeing now is a man with a good heart who wants to practise Islam like it should be practised. And that's the reason why I don't want to lose him. I don't feel anything for him now. I consider him as a good friend. I can't stop thinking of my first love. Nothing makes me happy anymore. And I feel that no one understands me. I always feel pain in my chest because I worry too much. So my question is: Is it acceptable in Islam to go to a Muslim scholar or an Imam to seek spiritual/mental help. With the intention (Niyya) that Allah (S.W.T) is the one who will provide my real help of course. Maybe he can help me in a way.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Dear sister, first of all you should know that befriending non-Mahram men, talking with them, and being in seclusion with them is not permitted for you nor for any other Muslim woman. All these acts lead to committing Zina (adultery/fornication). The Islamic Sharee’ah states that every means that could lead to what is forbidden, is forbidden itself. Thus, the Islamic Sharee’ah has forbidden many means that may lead to forbidden acts. The Prophet said: “No man should stay with a lady in seclusion except in the presence of a Mahram (unmarriageable person) ”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The Prophet also said: “No man ever stays alone with a woman but Satan becomes their third (companion) ”. [Al-Tirmithi]
The solution to your problem is easy and possible. It starts with the true adherence to Islam, strengthening your relations with Allah, repenting sincerely from the sins you have committed, enjoining good and avoiding evil. This will undoubtedly fill your heart with that which is good for you in this Life and the Hereafter, repulsing at the same time reliance upon creatures (human beings or others). Indeed Allah will relieve you from your critical situation, drive away your worries and provide you with a suitable and a righteous husband. Allah Says (what means): {… And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect.} [Quran 65:2-3]
Allah also Says (what means): {And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him of his matter ease.} [Quran 65:4]
Know that everything belongs to Allah, and He Alone arranges the matters on the Earth and in the Heavens. Believe that you will never get anything except what Allah Has determined for you; so supplicate Him Alone to grant you a good life.
There is no harm to consult a pious Muslim, such as a Shaykh, teacher, scholar, etc. to seek advice from him and ask him to help you solve your problem. But do not stay with him in seclusion.
Know that going to magicians, jugglers and those who commit Shirk or indulge in what is forbidden is not permissible. You should fear Allah in all your actions.
Allah knows best.