Careless father may refuse to let his daughter get married
11-9-2003 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am 19 now and my parents got divorced when I was only two weeks old, my mother raised me all my life and paid for all my expenses and she worked hard to ensure the best life for my brothers and I, my father got married and didn't take care of us financially, he sent us some money as a gift every few years. My question is: whether my father is a person who has the Islamic right of deciding for me and prohibiting me to do things and telling me to follow his rules which are most of the times opposite to what my mother wants, he also caused a lot of problems to my mother and I and he even tried to kidnap me which had a great negative effect on me because I don't trust him now. The things I mean are for example marriage and things like that. Does he have to accept the person I will marry in the future if for example my old brothers (who are 26 and 29) and mother accept or can I marry that person if he doesn't accept?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The permission of the guardian is an indispensable condition for a valid marriage, according to the view of the majority of the Muslim scholars. The Prophet said: "Marriage is invalid without the (consent of the) guardian." [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi who classified it as sound].
Therefore, it is not permissible for a far guardian to marry a woman while her immediate and close gardian is present. Therefore, it is not permissible for your brothers to act as your guardian and marry you off while your father is present. Also, your mother cannot marry you off because the Prophet said: "A woman cannot marry another woman and she cannot marry herself off." [Ibn Maajah and Al-Albaani classified it as sound] However, if your father does not want to marry you off to a religious person who has a good moral conduct and who is suitable for you, then, in this case, you may sue him before an Islamic judge who will marry you off or change the guardianship from your father to your other guardians.
Moreover, we advise you to be kind and dutiful to your father even if he was neglegent in nurturing you and spending on you. Allaah Says (what means): {And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents….}[Quran 46:15] Allaah also Says: {And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents….}[Quran 17:23].
Finally, we ask Allaah to reconcile between you and your father and guide him to fulfill his responsibilities and enable you to fulfill his rights upon you.
Allaah Knows best.