Fearful of losing his faith
7-9-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
My problem is there even after your reply. I sometimes feel that I am not believing in the fundamental beliefs of Islaam like God is one and Lord of the worlds etc. I really hate myself. I sometimes think that I am destined for Hell this makes me cry. I pray 5 times daily in mosque and I am very particular about everything in Islaam. I feel no problem in following the religion but I believe that Satan is trying to deceive me but I do not know what I should do. I wish to talk or e-mail in you in private I really need a help of scholar. I follow Islaam fully like I do not watch TV, listen songs, use abusive language, lie, fight, make fun of anyone, laugh very much and talk to girls. I even keep my clothes above me ankle. I try to be a good Muslim and wrong thoughts darken my heart very much. I think that all my good deeds will be wasted and I will be in loss in this world and in Hereafter as a person cannot be a Muslim without beliefs. I know what is right but my mind makes me think that it is fake. I really hate myself. I also have a desire to go to Heaven but I feel that as I am not a true Muslim, the deeds like praying and all that I am doing will not be counted and I will go to Hell but of course I cannot drop these Faraiz. Please help me; this problem is affecting everything in my life. I am just 16. Am I a Muslim? As I believe in all what Muslims believe but my mind thinks that they are wrong. Its my heart which accepts it. Please tell me some Wazeefa or something which may help me and please if possible send me your privet e-mail or something.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all we advise you, dear brother, to turn to Allaah, to supplicate to him as much as possible and seek refuge in Him so that He would repel from you the whispers that spring to your mind. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): {And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytan (Satan) then seek refuge with Allaah. Verily, He is All-Hearer, All-Knower.}[7:200]. In order to repel these whispers, you have also to help yourself with the means that strengthens the faith, like reading the Qur'aan and pondering upon the verses addressing creed and faith. You have to be in the company of pious people of knowledge and befriend righteous youth, and attend circles of knowledge and try to get closer to Allaah by performing good deeds.
You have to know as well that your hate for these whispers is an evidence of your strong and true Eemaan, Insha Allaah. Abu Hurayrah 
narrated: "Some companions of the Prophet, Sallallaahu Alayhi wa Sallam, came to him and asked him: ''We find in our own self (desires) what one of us considers as a great and serious matter to talk about”. The Prophet 
said: “Do you really find that”. They replied: “Yes”. The Prophet then said: “That is the true Eemaan (faith).” [Muslim] That is to say that hating what they wanted to talk about, reflects true Eemaan.
This means that if what comes to one’s mind and the whispers of one’s desires are considered by the person as a great sin and a serious matter to talk about, this is a sign of a complete faith. Had he not had Eemaan, one would not hate it nor consider it as a serious and great matter. All you have to do is to continuously fulfill the orders of Allaah and refrain from His prohibitions. In addition to this, you have to neglect these whispers and do not give attention to these desires; by doing so, you will be fine, Insha Allaah.
Allaah knows best.