In love with a man who won't propose marriage
20-9-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
Please help, I am very much in love with a man that has met me and my parents for marriage. But he never proposed to me for certain situations. I'm not sure. So the first time he met me and my parents he left, then I prayed to Allaah that he'll come back and then he did a year later, but then he left again. I don't understand, Allaah answered my prayers but it never finished. I pray 24/7 of the day hoping and crying for me and him to be together, I'm very much in love and I know ill never forget him, please I don't want to give up on him, I need advice.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, we are afraid that you became prey in the hands of one of the young people who play with the affections of some girls, especially those who are handsome, healthy and wealthy, and the like. So you have to be careful. You have to know that marital life is a long journey. If it is built just on affections, it might vanish in a short while. Indeed marital life may be faced with some problems that need wisdom and sound reasoning in order to be solved. The couple might be blessed with children who require being raised according to righteousness and good deeds. It is for this reason that Islam sets religion and good moral conduct as the criteria for looking for a wife or husband. The Prophet 
said: "If one proposes to marry a woman and you approve of his religion and character, you should give her in marriage to him, otherwise there will be much corruption and trials." [At-Tirmithi] We do not know whether you are aware regarding the good moral conduct and religion of this man. So you have to be careful about this matter. If this man is of good religion and character, then there is no harm to ask Allaah to facilitate marrying him, as it is permissible for a Muslim to ask the good of this world and the good of the Hereafter as it is confirmed that the Prophet instructed us to do so before concluding our prayer saying: "Then he may ask anything he likes." [Muslim] However, we think it is more appropriate that the supplication be general, like saying for instance: "O Allaah! I implore You to bless me with a righteous husband." This way you surrender the matter to Allaah, the Knower of the unseen. As regards getting married to that man, if the matter is facilitated, All Perfect Praise be to Allaah, if not, you have to stop thinking about him. As it is an affliction to your mind and it will grief you to remain thinking about him. It can also lead to the anger of Allaah, the Lord of the Heavens and the Earth. You have to remember the saying of Allaah (interpretation of meaning): {…and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not.}[2:216].
Finally, we should know that establishing affectionate relations between men and women is a means for the spread of mischief and evil. Even if a woman loves a specific person she should behave appropriately and she should fear Allaah.
Allaah knows best.