Muslimah living with her wayward family
27-9-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I'm 20 and I am finding it extremely hard to guard my Deen living in a house that is far from Islaamic traditions and values. Although my family has always supported my Islaamic approach to life. But they don’t like my Daa'wah interfering with their western (indulging in music, free mixing so forth) and Haraam ways. My relentless efforts to help them realise their lack of obedience in Islaam has come to no avail and recently has escalated in to frequent arguments and fights between me and my brothers and sister. Further more it has also started to affect my Deen, I've tried so hard with them that now I'm beginning to take a step back and let them be!
Plus - my father owns a Haraam business (alcohol, cigarettes), even after knowing selling alcohol is Haraam he remains ignorant of the fact!
I'm confused - I want to leave home and try to explain to them how serious the matter is.
I've spoken to a sister who is willing to rent me a room in her house. But she advised that it was better not to move out, as I did be living without a Mahram, and also working to rent the place. Could you please advice me on what I should do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Indeed you did well by being steadfast on the truth. We ask Allaah to make us firm on this religion until death. You have to know that since your family did not object to your following the straight path, this in itself is a bounty that requires someone to feel gratitude. Feeling gratitude is indeed a characteristic that even some people who are on the straight path may lack. The fact that they did not object to your following the straight path is an indication that they have some good in themselves. It is hoped that one can influence them if one deals with them with wisdom.
Therefore, we advise you to do the following:
1. Be keen on being an example to them in your moral conduct and standards, as this has more effect.
2. Call and guide them with good admonition and soft words, and choose the appropriate time when you expect to benefit them more.
3. Be patient about the harm that might come from them, and do not hasten results, or behave in a bad way if they treat you badly. The outcome of being patient is goodness. You have the best example in our Prophet 
who called his people for 23 years and was patient about their harm and their driving him out of Makkah, while it was his birth place where he was brought up, and where he returned as a conqueror. The first people who harmed him overwhelmingly embraced Islam. You have another example in our Prophet Nooh 
who called his people for 950 years and was patient about their harm and mockery. He was not hasty to bring the results and was not pessimistic. Despite this, only a few people believed, as the Qur'aan relates.
4. Use indirect ways of calling them, like the tapes of outstanding and influential callers to Islam.
5. Be keen on attending lectures held in Islamic foundations and keep company with pious believing women, as this will help you to continue performing good deeds.
We do not see that you should leave your home. The advice of the sister to you was appropriate and correct. If you stay alone, something harmful could happen to you (in relation to your dignity, honour and chastity), especially in disbelieving communities as you are well aware.
It could be that the best advice in this case, and probably the solution to your problem, is to get married. So we advise you to inform your female friends that you wish to get married, or seek the help of Islamic foundations in this regard. May Allaah grant you a pious husband who would get you out of that environment.
As regards work, in principle a woman should stay at home, but it is permissible for her to work if there is a need for it provided she can fulfill the Islamic requirements, like not mixing, wearing Hijab and so on. If these requirements are met, may Allaah bless you, otherwise while living at home you can benefit from your father’s finances according to your necessity even if all his money is earned from forbidden sources. On the other hand, if his money is earned from mixed permissible and prohibited sources, it is permissible for you to benefit from it beyond your necessity though you may dislike doing so.
Allaah knows best.