Unbearable marriage
4-8-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I was married at age 16 and soon as my husband got into the UK he started to talk filthy about my mum. He did this for 14 years every single day. He would watch porn movies and want anal sex every night then one day my brother caught him kissing my sister. But he begged for forgiveness and life continued. I now have 4 children. I never mentioned any of my mum's affairs to anyone but after 14 years and 6 months I was really very depressed and the doctor put me on medication and I and separated from him. Basically he made me live a very filthy life and would never ever pray or even open Quran. When we separated he said he wanted our daughter to live with him when I asked my daughter then aged 13 she felt uneasy with no answer. So my sister asked her, and she said her dad touched her and she didn't want to go to him, at that time I completely lost my mind and asked him to divorce me immediately. My family would not agree and so I told them everything a to z and then he divorced me over the phone because by that time I was admitted to hospital for chronic depression then he said divorce 3 times in one go and left for Pakistan and married some lady. When he came back he was working and he begged me to forgive and promised he would never hurt me so we want and got Fatwa and remarried and now he provides for us but constantly talks about anal sex and my mum and sister, blames everything on my mum I try so hard Allaah Knows to keep calm but am getting more ill day by day. My family has broken all ties with him and never want see him, I told him we should ask forgiveness from Allaah and seek Islamic guidance as the guilt is eating me up. I feel I have made a big mistake as my family blame me for telling them everything bad about him and will never forgive him. They say he is a satan and I feel its my mistake to take him back. We were in bed seems like he is satan he does very filthy things you can't imagine so now I sleep downstairs. Should I stay with him or not? Please help.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
If the facts are as mentioned by the questioner that your husband abuses you, is addicted to pornography, wants to have anal sex and likes to do the other disgraceful acts, then it becomes compulsory on you to separate from him and seek divorce, especially if he abandons prayers, since abandoning prayers takes one out of Islam. The Prophet 
said: "The pact between us and them is prayer, so whoever abandons it is a disbeliever." [An-Nasaa'ee and others] Death is better than continuing life with such a husband.
Moreover, if he has divorced you thrice in one go then this is a irrevocable divorce unless he only intended by repeating the word confirmation or clarification that he is divorcing you. This is the opinion of the majority of Muslim scholars. In this case, one cannot take his wife back unless she marries another man and separates from him legally (by divorce or death). The questioner made a mistake by going back to him.
If the separation occurred then this father does not have right of raising his daughter due to his dissoluteness and lewdness. In addition, he has touched her, so he is no longer trustworthy. Muslim jurists have mentioned explicitly that the care of a child cannot be granted to the one who does not protect him/her and does not raise him Islamicly.
We advise the questioner to separate from her husband immediately. You have to take your case to a trustworthy Islamic center that is known for following Sunnah and aware of Islamic rulings in such matters. They will look into the case from all its aspects and will decide after collecting the details, whether it was an irrevocable divorce or not.
If he does not agree to divorce you then you may sue him in the civil courts to get rid of the harms.
Allaah Knows best.