A First Wife Whose Marriage Has Not Been Registered
25-9-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I married my husband in a small mosque organized by Muslims, I'm not sure if its a member of a big mosque. We had witnesses and he paid me sum of money as protection money. But my biggest confusion comes from the fact that he was not able to give me a legal marriage certificate. Its been 2 years now. I married him day before I came back to Philippines, meaning we were both foreigners in another country. He said he will give me certificate next year Inshaa Allaah because he married another woman months later he said at just for documents. But that other woman has all the legal documents bearing his name and all personal informs from Pakistan. He didn't even told me that he have different birth date in Pakistan from the birth date he gave me. Anyway my question is, is our marriage valid? By the way, he was never fair to me in all aspects and many can attest to that. He showered more the other woman and in fact she is controlling the money though he is sending to us monthly but speaking of equal treatment, I'm sure he's just a 2 in the scale of 1 to 10. I love him with all my heart because he is my first man but I'm willing to leave him for the other woman for my peace of mind. He wants me and my son to stay in that country where he is living now with the other wife. He wants us near but he can't live with us for obvious reason. He got a son also with that other wife. Another question, if ever our marriage is valid, am I the first wife or the second wife that time that he will secure marriage certificate for me. He already have all necessary documents with the other wife and those documents are recorded but none from us. Hope you will help me ease my confusion.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
We have already mentioned the conditions of a valid marriage contract in Fatwa 83629, so please refer to it. If you find in this Fatwa that those conditions are met, then the marriage contract is valid even if it is not registered.
If the conditions of a correct marriage contract were fulfilled and your marriage contract was valid, then you are considered the first wife of that man even if the authentication (registration) of your marriage contract was delayed until after the authentication of the marriage with the second wife. Therefore, you should not worry about this and you should feel comforted.
On the other hand, your husband should fear Allah and he must act justly between his wives since this is treating wives kindly and this is something ordained by Allah. Allah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19]
Being inclined to one of the wives is not an act of kindness. The Prophet said: “When a husband has two wives and does not act justly between them, he will come on the Day of Judgment with his body leaning to one side.” [Abu Daawood]
Furthermore, the wife has the right to ask her husband to notarize her marriage because if it is not done, it might lead to the loss of her rights and her children's rights as well. In many countries around the world, the marriage contract is not considered legal unless it is notarized. In this case, the wife or husband cannot inherit each other, the children cannot be traced back to their father and they are not considered legal heirs of their father etc., unless there are legal papers that prove it. Therefore, neglecting the authentication of the marriage contract can result in great disadvantages and the loss of many rights.
Finally, we advise you to remind your husband to act justly between his wives and among his children. Tell him that it is your right to authenticate your marriage contract in order to protect your rights. You may seek the help of the religious and influential people in regard to the above matter, and seek the help of your family members in advising him to authenticate the marriage contract with you.
Allah knows best.