Tired from the careless attitude of her husband
2-10-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I would like your advise on this matter. I have been married for three and half years and have two boys, al-Hamdulillaah. My husband works for 7-days a week in a shop he owns that is in serious debt. I helped him in the past to pay off his debt with my own money but he still is in serious debt. Recently he borrowed some money I wanted to use to buy a car and said he will give back. I knew him wouldn't be able to do that as there is no way he can get the money but I still did it because we found a way to take it from me. He doesn't spend any time with me or the kids and spends his spare time in the Masjid. He uses that he has to pray in the Masjid as an excuse. Both times when I given birth he hasn't helped me, he was away all the time and I had to cope by myself. He hardly sees the kids he leaves home when they're asleep and comes back home while they're sleeping. I recently got angry because I told him I was ill and asked him to come home but he didn't care he didn't even ask what was wrong. The next day I asked him to take an hour off from work to look after the kids so I can go to the doctor again he refused. I am sick and tired off his careless attitude towards me and the kids. So when I got angry I asked for my money back as revenge and it turned into a big fight. He doesn't seem to understand that he is neglecting his family and being a human myself I can react badly. He always says that I am not a good person and he doesn't realize that he is the one making me being bad. Did I have the right to ask the money back as he said he would give back? And how can I make him understand that he has to spend time his family?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
If your husband's situation is as you mentioned; neglecting his wife and family, surely he has misbehaved, breached the trust that is imposed on him by Allaah and relinquished the characteristics of a caretaker. He should know that his wife and family's rights are not limited to providing food, drink, clothes, etc., rather there are many other immaterial rights, such as taking care of them, guiding them to virtue, teaching them their religion and raising them according to Islam, which are more significant than food, clothes and the like. Allaah will question him about his negligence of all these rights.
We advise you to be patient; patience is the key of a happy end, and being patient during trials expiates ones sins. The Prophet 
said: "A Muslim (male or female), remains subject to trials (in this world) in respect of self, children and property till he (or she) faces Allaah, (on the Day of Judgment) in a state in which all his (or her) sins have been remitted." [At-Tirmithi] You have to implore Allaah to correct your husband, for this purpose, you may seek the help of pious people like the Imaam of the mosque who may deliver the Friday sermons about the mutual rights of spouses and that the wife and the family have rights on the husband as the Prophet said: "Your wife has a right on you, your Lord has a right on you, and your guest has a right on you, so, give every one's right to him." [Al- Bukhari and Muslim]
As you know that a wife can play a great role in influencing her husband through her nice and pleasing characters, taking care of her physical appearance and with good management of household matters. So, we entrust you to give great importance to the above matters. Your husband's misbehavior should not incite you to fall in the trap of Satan and disobey him. If the relations are stained much with no room left to continue married life and divorce is the only solution, then you may ask for divorce even by paying something to get the divorce.
You have the right to demand your money that you had lend to your husband if he can pay it. However, you should choose a suitable time for this demand since it may have adverse affects on the efforts of reconciling. If you think that asking money will force him to correct himself then you may do so at any time. If he corrects himself and you can give up your loan then it is advisable to strengthen the marital relations.
Allaah Knows best.