Refusal of his proposal to a girl from his relatives may cause family problems
19-3-2006 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am working abroad in Saudi Arabia, Inshaa Allaah soon I will be on vacation to my home. In my relatives I want to marry a girl and I propose her and she replied if her parents reject this proposal it will hurt relations between our families and I want to tell my mother about this matter but I could not tell my mother. I have no dare to tell this matter but I don't want to lose that girl because she is a good girl, and also I don't want to broke relations between our families because I know my mother she will not remain any relations with them after they rejecting this proposal because that girl I want to marry she is my cousin sister's daughter, I hope you will understand my matter. Please help me in the light of Quran and Hadeeth and I did Salat Istikhaarah, I am waiting for you response.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
If this girl is religious and has a good moral conduct, then we are urged in Islam to marry women like her. The Prophet 
said: "Choose the religious one.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] So you should be keen on marrying this woman and take all the means which will facilitate this marriage and which will help you avoid any problems in case her family refuse.
First of all you should perform the Istikhaarah prayer and ask the trustworthy people who know her about her. If it is possible for this girl to present the matter to her parents to find out whether they would accept or not, then this is better. If she cannot do so and you are able to propose to her parents or any one whom you trust to propose to them, then this is good. These steps should be taken in secret without the knowledge of your parents so that if her parents refuse, then what you fear [breaking of relations between families] would not happen. It is confirmed that the Prophet said: "You should achieve your needs in secret." [At-Tabaraani]
After all these steps, if marriage to her has been made easy for you, then all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise there are many women, and Allaah may bless you with a wife better than her. Allaah Says (what means): {…and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.}[Quran 2:216].
Finally, it should be noted that this woman is marriageable to you until you conduct a marriage contract with her, so it is not permissible to be in seclusion with her or do anything with her which is forbidden.
Allaah Knows best.