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Fatwa CenterLost her love for her husband due to his bad treatment to her
Question
Assalam Alaykum. What is the ruling on a woman who has fell out of love with her once good husband because he has hurt her alot? What should she do? Will she be punished for feeling this way? He humiliates me at time of anger, swears at me when I make simple mistakes or forget to do something, and because he has problems at work and is in debt he takes them out me. No matter how much i ask him to treat me politely, to use good words and i wil understand better, he just doesnt. He always comes back to apologise but after the damage has been done. And then he does it all over again when he gets angry! I loved him once very much, he was my whole life, and i feel because of this, my heart has closed towards him. I am still dutiful towards him and look after his house and sons but i no longer feel the love and admiration and respect i once felt. I no longer enjoy his company and dont enjoy sexual relations either. I have forgiven his mistakes but i still hurt. As you can imagine this is now causing problems because he sees that i have changed. And he swears at me and says i have a black heart when i tell him why. What do i do to instill the love and respect i once had for this man? At times i feel like its just not working out. He has hurt me too much. Jazakom Allah Khair.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to reward you for being keen on fulfilling your husband’s rights despite his mistreatment to you, and you really did well by accepting his apology.
Marital life should be established on mutual respect between the spouses and each spouse should forgive and tolerate the mistakes of the other as much as he can.
There is no doubt that love may be affected by such misbehaviour and bad treatment. However, a person does not have any control over his heart; therefore a wife is not blamed for not having affectionate feelings towards her husband. Nonetheless, it is not impossible to revive this love. This could be achieved by looking and remembering the positive factors and other praiseworthy features that the husband has.
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 90617 and 86618.
Allaah Knows best.
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