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Fatwa CenterHer husband is rude to her children from a previous marriage
Question
I recently (year and a half now) got married to a reverted Muslim of many years, I too am a reverted Muslim. We both are a little older then most newly we'd couples and have ex-spouses. He has 3 older sons and 3 or 4 step children from a previous marriage, I have 2 children from a previous marriage (ages 10 and 8) My children's father is Not Muslim making my husband the only "male" Muslim example that they have seen. The problem that I am faced with is that my husband has quite a problem with loving them, showing them any kind of affection, or spending time with them. He stays in his room when they are here, (which is week-ends and most school days off) keeps to himself and has no interactions with them most all times. He will however every time he walks by or near them tell them all the wrong they might be doing, and honestly just scolding them and letting them know how bad they are being and how disobedient they are, and that's it! No "I love you's" or let's do something together...nothing else except very long drawn out lectures on how they should be good. That all would be much more acceptable to me if this was his first experience with step children, but, it's not, we were around his ex-wife's children (none of which were his own biologically) for the first half of our marriage, (mine were not yet in the picture) he showed so much love and affection to them, bought them things and spent plenty of time with them, never scolding them or being harsh to them at all, when I witnessed this act of affection I felt so happy thinking that he would also be this way towards my children, but, unfortunately he so much acts the opposite that my daughter (who is seeing Islam completely for the first time) has the thought that all Muslim men hate children. When I tried to question my husband on this unfair treatment to my children he explained that his other wife's children were with HIM since baby's, so he felt more love to them and is having trouble feeling love to mine.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, it should be mentioned that since the father of your two children is a non-Muslim, then he has no right to foster them, because among the conditions for a person to be a fosterer is that he/she should be a Muslim, as stated by the jurists 
. So, if these two children are living with him, you must endeavor your utmost to get them away from him so that he would not corrupt them.
As regards the treatment of your current husband to these two children, then it should be with a good manner while being cheerful with them and by him gifting them some simple gifts that do not burden him. In fact, this is a kind of calling people to Islam and it is being kind to the wife as well; all this is Islamically urged and encouraged. So, he should show them the beauties of Islam and he should encourage them to be brought up according to (the teachings of) Islam.
On the other hand, you should have a mutual understanding with your husband about this matter in a soft and gentle manner and clarify to him its importance for your two children and that they need that and appreciate it. Also, you should remind him to seek the reward of the Hereafter in doing so. You may show him some texts about the excellence of calling people to Allaah and that if a person is guided to do a good deed thanks to someone, then the latter gets the same reward as the person who did that good deed. Moreover, actions speak louder than words in calling people to Allaah.
In addition to this, you may try to get them involved in a good company or a good environment through the activities carried out by some Islamic Centres for the children of their age group as in general this will have a great effect on them.
Finally, you should not forget to supplicate to Allaah as much as possible to guide them and rectify them as this is the practice of the Prophets and the righteous people; Allaah Says (what means): {And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us a leader [i.e. example] for the righteous.”}[Quran 25:74]
Allaah Knows best.
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