Assalamu alaykum Shaykh. I have been married for 3 years. We don't have children. I love my husband so much, and he says that he still loves me, but he cannot be with me. He said that I am a perfect wife, but he has a crazy mind. He always shouts and makes me cry. We tried to reconcile, but he always gets angry so easily. My husband pronounced the words in the English past tense, you are divorced, 3 months ago. He also said that one year and a half ago. Both divorces where not pronounced in the period of purity (outside of menses) and he did not wait to see whether I was pregnant or not. I told him that this is considered wrong in Islam and that it is a sin, but I know that it (the divorce) is still accepted bu Allaah. Now, the ‘iddah (time it takes for 3 menses to go by) expired, and even if he wanted, he cannot take me back. Only Allaah knows what his true intentions were when he pronounced the divorce. The first time he pronounced it, he went to court the next day and left me in the car and said that they would call me to go to court. The next day, he said that they called him, and I was right about this, and told him to come back when my menses would pass as I might have been pregnant, but it turned out that I was not. I always hoped and prayed that he would take me back, and he was having serious problems then. I never left him, I took care of him and his health. This was the right thing to do for me. I do not want to divorce, but he does, and I cannot do anything. He promised me when we got married that he would never ever divorce me as he is not like my father, who left my mother alone with me. I am afraid to tell anything to my mom as she had a heart attack a year and a half ago, on his birthday, exactly after he divorced me the first time and then took me back. I told him that I feel too humilliated already. I do not know what to do. I need your advice for Allaah's sake.

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress, facilitate your affairs, and rectify your relation with your husband. We advise you to turn to Allaah in sincere supplication; verily, Allaah answers the supplications of the distressed ones and relieves their hardship; He says (what means): {Is He [not best] Who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allaah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27:62]

The Muslim husband is commanded to treat his wife kindly and gently; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {... And live with them in kindness ...} [Quran 4:19] Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Be kind to women." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] What you mentioned about your husband contradicts these Sharee‘ah guidelines. Moreover, anger is the source of many evils; therefore, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, warned against it as he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, advised one of his companions, "Do not get angry!" [Al-Bukhari]

When the husband says to his wife "You are divorced," then this statement is an explicit formula of divorce, and divorce takes effect as a result. The divorce issued during the woman’s menstrual period is a religious innovation, yet it takes effect according to the opinion of the majority of Muslim jurists. This is the view adopted by Islamweb as well; please refer to Fatwa 81864. As for the divorce during pregnancy, it is in accordance with the Sunnah, and it is not a religious innovation in the first place; it also takes effect according to the consensus of scholars.

Whenever the husband issues a divorce, it then takes effect, and the registration of the divorce in court is irrelevant in this regard. In case of the first or second divorce, i.e. an irrevocable divorce with minor separation, if the ‘iddah expires, then the husband can still take his wife back in marriage, but with a new marriage contract. Therefore, if your husband wishes to take you back in marriage, you need to conclude a new marriage contract with the approval of your wali (guardian), and there is no need to inform your mother of it. Please refer to Fatwa 82541 about the types of divorce.

If he refuses to take you back in marriage, then you can try to convince him, and you may seek the intercession of whomever you hope would be able to convince him. If he persistently refuses to take you back in marriage, then you should graciously accept that; hopefully, this would be for your best interest, and Allaah, The Exalted, may compensate you with a better husband. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {But if they separate [by divorce], Allaah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allaah encompassing and wise.}[Quran 4:130] Try to be as gentle as possible when you inform your mother of your divorce so as to avoid the bad impact that it might have on her health.

Allaah Knows best.