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Fatwa CenterParental dispute over child benefit money given by the state
Question
Assalaamu alaykum. I just wanted to explain that I am in a very difficult position; my daughter is severly disabled and I have another younger daughter. I have problems at home because my husband wants me to look after his parents as well as my children and the home. No one in the family provides for anything; They expect me to pay for everything - the house bills, the morgage and food - they expect me to pay from my poor daughters' allowance, and I do all the house work, shopping, cooking and cleaning, and I pay all the bills, and they still cause arguements between me and my husband by saying that I do not look after them. My husband says that he brought me in the home to cook, clean, and look after his parents, and he does not understand that I have his ill daughter, who cannot do anything for herself, to look after. He also always argues about the childrens' benefit money and always expects me to give that money to him; if I do not do so, he argues with me and gets aggresssive. Could you please help me? I am really stressed out. His dad told him that it is his fault for giving the childrens' benefit money to me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Marriage has great objectives in Islam. It has been prescribed so that the spouses would become a source of happiness for one another. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21] The woman was not created to cook, clean, and look after the parents only. Rather, the wife in Islam is not legislatively obliged to look after her husband’s parents unless she willingly chooses to do so; please refer to fatwa 84909. Moreover, the wife is entitled to a separate accommodation without having to live with her in-laws in the same house, as has been advised by Muslim scholars and is underlined in fatwa 84608.
Also, it is incumbent on the husband to support his wife and not the other way around unless the wife willingly chooses to provide for her family; please refer to fatwa 85012.
You should also know that scholars held different opinions regarding whether the wife is obliged to serve her husband. The opinion we hold as preponderant is that she should serve him according to the common practice of their society; please refer to fatwa 86344. In any case, the husband should help his wife carry out her duties and share the responsibilities with her instead of exploiting her and adding to her burdens. He should follow the example of the Prophet in this regard. Al-Aswad ibn Yazeed said, "I asked 'Aa'ishah, 'What did the Prophet do when he was with his family?' She replied, 'He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out for prayer.'" [Al-Bukhari] The version reported by Imaam Ahmad and At-Tirmithi reads, "He was a human from among other humans; He himself removed the lice from his clothing, milked his goats, and did all his work himself." Al-Mubaarakfoori 
commented on that report saying, "The hadeeth encourages modesty and giving up arrogance on part of the man and being in the service of his household..." [Tuhfat Al-Ahwathi]
If your daughters are underage, then the guardianship of their property belongs to the ʻasabah (male blood relatives on the father's side); their father is more entitled to having guardianship over this money. If he is not eligible, then the guardianship is transferred to the following eligible male blood relative according to the order stated by the Muslim scholars. The case may be referred to the concerned authority in your community acting as sharee'ah courts, like Islamic centers, for instance. The optimal thing to be done in this regard is for the parents to deem themselves high above getting into a conflict over the money of their young children. They should seek that which best serves the interests of their children.
This is of course as long as this money is not paid to you by the government in return for taking care of your daughters; if it is paid to you (for that reason), then it is your own personal property.
Lastly, we advise you to try to reach a mutual understanding with your husband through dialogue as well as mutual respect. We also advise you to use wisdom in addressing any possible dispute so that Satan would not use it to sow seeds of discord between you and break up your family.
Allaah knows best.
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