I have been married for 30 years now and have two sons. We live abroad and my two brothers also live in the same country. Sadly, the relationship between my husband and my family was never the best. He always had the feeling that they never accepted him; during all these years there were misunderstandings from both sides; and he broke off contact with them many times, but he never prevented me from seeing my family. He then always tried to fix the relationship with them. My parents died in the meantime and, praise be to Allaah, he was on good terms with them then. But unfortunately, this is not the case now with my two brothers and my sister’s husband. My sister lives in my home country; she and her husband came for a visit to the country in which we live. Due to the previous problems and the unjust attitude of my sister’s husband towards my husband, my husband prevented me from seeing them and her children in order to teach my sister’s husband a lesson. He also prohibited my children to see them. My sister and I were always very close and even if she tried to be on good terms with my husband, she surely has to follow her husband’s rules. My husband also told me that if I even tried to contact her or my brothers behind his back, it will end up in a divorce. My sister tries to contact me via e-mail, but I am ignoring this as I have to follow my husband’s request. My husband suffers from much pain due to disease and depression, which leads to anger. I try not to make him angry and avoid any arguements regarding my family. I am unhappy about this, but am patient and have left all this in Allaah’s hands. Now, my question: Is my husband’s attitude: preventing me from contacting my sister (only her) right? Is it also right that he puts my marriage at stake if I contacted her? Another question: I have given my sister a power of attorney regarding inheritance in my country. My husband wants me to annul it. Is he allowed to force me to do this even though I fully trust my sister? I just want to mention that my husband is a good Muslim.
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Your husband has no right to prevent you from maintaining ties of kinship with your sister and contacting her because this constitutes helping to cut off ties of kinship. Verily, there is no obedience to the created in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator. ʻAli reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said, “There is no obedience if it involves disobedience toward Allaah. Rather, obedience is only (required) in that which is good and permissible.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] Please, refer to fatwa 91788.
If your husband forbids you from visiting your sister, then, yes, you are obliged to obey him; but you can still maintain relations with her through calling, exchanging gifts, and the like of what is considered keeping ties of kinship according to social norms and common practice. It is permissible for you to retain relations with her by these means even without his knowledge. The marriage bond should not be put at stake for this reason.
Your wealth is your personal property, and it is impermissible for your husband to interfere in your disposal of your property without a right. It is impermissible for him to prevent you from giving your sister or anyone else the Power of Attorney, granting her legal authority to act for you.
Lastly, we advise you to strive to reconcile between your husband and your family; it is important to maintain good relations with one's in-laws. Verily, having good relations with one's in-laws is one of the great worldly pleasures and hopefully is a means to earn the pleasures of the Hereafter. Islam encourages reconciliation between people; there is much evidence in the Quran and Sunnah about the merits of such a good deed.
Allaah knows best.
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