Assallaamu alaykum. My wife was good after the marriage, but I do not know what happened to her. She became disrespectful towards me and started to say bad words against my parents. She started to accuse me of spending a portion of my monthly income on my parents, whereas I only spend on our home and on her. I even have credit card debts because of fulfilling her wishes. Her father told me to give all of my monthly income to her every month and that she will spend on the home and change all the things that she does not like because they were gifted by my parents. I agreed on giving my monthly income to her but disagreed on changing some household items as they are in good condition and are not old. Her father agreed, but she quarreled with me and even with her father, which is why he agreed on it, and then in the morning she attempted to commit suicide. Praise be to Allaah, I saved her, and her parents took her to their home, but she threatened her father that she will again attempt to commit suicide if I do not give divorce her. Her father asked me to divorce her, which I refused, but then he said that if anything happened to her, he would take revenge from your family. I got scared and divorced her by uttering the word thrice, as they asked. Now, after a few days, they called me again and asked for the gifts that they gifted me while we were married. I do not mind returning all of the gifts. My question is: do I have the right to ask for the money that I spended for arranging her visa (as we were living out of our home country) and for the medical expenses to save her life (when she attempted suicide). I spent a lot on her, but I am not asking for that. Could you kindly explain the Islamic rulings and what I am entitled to. Will they sinful if they refused to give it to me?

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

Islamic law placed the husband in charge of his wife; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by (right of) what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend (for maintenance) from their wealth...} [Quran 4:34] This entails that the wife respects her husband and fulfills his rights over her as due, just as he is required to fulfill her rights over him; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.} [Quran 2:228]

If your wife is as you mentioned and does not respect you, then she is disobeying the command of Allaah. Also, if she says bad things about your parents, then she bears guilt for doing that; it has been narrated on the authority of ʻAbdullaah ibn Masʻood that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said, “The believer does not slander, curse, or speak in an obscene or foul manner.” [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi]

There is no doubt that showing respect and kindness towards one's in-laws is enjoined by the sharee'ah; this is the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, in this regard. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allaah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day and (who) remembers Allaah often.} [Quran 33:21]

It is the duty of the husband to spend on his wife according to reasonable terms. If he fulfills this duty, then he has the right to spend on his parents from his money as a form of dutifulness towards them. Neither his wife nor anyone else has the right to object or interfere in this matter; she is not entitled to tell him to spend or not spend on his parents or to give her his money to pay for the household expenses herself unless he willingly chooses to do so.

The husband is obliged to spend on his wife regardless of whether she traveled to fulfill the need of the husband or the need of both of them. Shaykh Ibn ʻUthaymeen wrote, “If the wife traveled for the husband's need, then he is obliged to spend on her because she has traveled for his sake... If she traveled for their joint need, then he still spends on her because he gave her permission to travel and she did not travel only for her need.” [Ash-Sharh Al-Mumti’] Accordingly, you have no right to ask her to pay you back what you spent for her visa and travel expenses.

As for the costs of medical treatment, the majority of the scholars held that the costs of the wife's medical treatment is not an obligation upon the husband. If you did not spend on her medical treatment as a donation on your part, then you are entitled to ask her to pay you back what you spent. The Maaliki scholar Ad-Dusooqi wrote:

“If the one on whom the money was spent claimed that the money was spent as a means of upholding ties of kinship (kindness to a relative) while the person who spent the money claimed that the money was not meant as a means of upholding ties of kinship or that he had intended to take it back later, then the decisive verdict is that the person who spent the money takes an oath and has the final say in this regard. He should take an oath on the fact that he spent this money with the intention of taking it back later. His oath is required if he did not have witnesses at the time of spending who witnessed that he was spending this money with the intention of taking it back. If he has witnesses, then he does not need to take an oath.”

Hence, it becomes clear that you do not have the right to ask your in-laws to repay the expenses of the medical treatment that you paid for your wife because you did not have the intention of claiming those expenses later at that time.

Lastly, we stress that it is a grave sin that your wife tried to commit suicide to make you divorce her. It is prohibited for the Muslim to commit suicide. It is also forbidden for the Muslim wife to ask for a divorce without a valid reason, as has previously been highlighted in fatwa 131953. Her father has no right to oblige you to divorce her or threaten to harm your family if you refused to divorce her. Scholars held different opinions as to whether threatening to harm the husband's family if he refuses to divorce his wife is considered compelling coercion that makes the divorce ineffective. Some held that it is considered compelling coercion and others held that it is not.

For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 162993.

Allaah knows best.