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Fatwa CenterReceiving financial help from family
Question
For the past two years, my husband and I have become indebted; my family has bailed us out many times. Personally, I only ask Allaah, The Exalted, for money, but my husband has asked my brother two or three times without telling me. Recently, in an emergency, my brother again helped us, but my family had plenty of anger against my husband and me (though they meant well, I was shattered by their words). My husband is a very good person, he helps people financially and otherwise whenever he can, and he has always kept me comfortable. I kept all the unpleasant words from my husband as I did not want to hurt him and spoil the excellent relation that we all share. Now, however, I refuse to take any financial help from them even in the form of gifts as I want to uphold my husband's honor as that is my topmost priority. We need money very badly, and I just refused money that my brother was giving me as a gift (his wife asked him to do so and felt bad when I did not accept it). My husband tells me that I am going against the Quran and the Sunnah by refusing gifts, and he thinks that it is due to my ego, but I insist that I want whatever comes from Allaah, The Exalted, and from our earnings. Am I wrong? Am I refusing what Allaah, The Exalted, is sending my way? I feel ashamed and embarrassed to take anything after the bitter words that I had to hear and because we already are so indebted to them. I am crying uncontrollably as I write to you; it is not my ego that I am being blamed for; I do not want to displease Allaah, The Exalted. Please clarify.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The Prophet forbade refusing a gift if there is no valid reason for refusing it. ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood 
narrated that the Prophet said, “Accept invitations, do not refuse gifts, and do not beat the Muslims.” [Al-Albaani graded it saheeh (sound) in Al-Irwaa']
Ibn Hibbaan 
said commenting on this hadeeth, “The Prophet rebuked refusing to accept gifts among Muslims in this hadeeth. It is obligatory on a person if he is given a gift to accept it and not refuse it, and then he may reward the giver with a gift in return if he is able to and thank him for it. Indeed, I recommend that Muslims exchange gifts between them because gifts bring about love and remove grudges.”
Also, if you accept the gift, then it is a provision from Allaah even if it comes at the hands of your family or anyone else, as the Prophet said, “If a person receives an act of kindness from his brother without asking for it or aspiring to it, then he should accept it and not refuse it, for it is a provision which Allaah has sent him.” [Ahmad]
Also, Imaam Muslim entitled a Chapter in his Saheeh called 'The permissibility of accepting for the one who is given without asking or aspiring'. The Prophet said, “If I were invited to a meal of a sheep's arm or trotter, I would accept, and if I were given an arm or trotter as a gift, I would accept.” [Al-Bukhari]
For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 317566.
If there is a valid reason that prompts a person to refuse a gift, then he should avoid upsetting the person who offered the gift by clarifying the reason for not accepting his gift. When the Prophet returned the gift of a man and saw the effect of that on the man's face, he said to him, “We only gave it back to you because we are in a state of ihraam.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
An-Nawawi, said in his commentary on Saheeh Muslim about this hadeeth, “This is evidence that it is desirable for a person who refrains from accepting a gift and the like for a valid reason to apologize to the giver and tell him that reason in order to comfort his heart.”
Overlooking the mistakes of relatives and forgiving them and forgetting what happened is good, but if it is their habit to remind you of their favor on you, then you should not accept their gifts in order to avoid that. Ibn Qudaamah said, “A person who has no money is not forced to accept a gift or charity or a bequest or a loan (from others)... as there is a potential harm that others will keep reminding him of their favor upon him because of their gift, charity and bequest.” Accordingly, if you refuse the gift of others for fear of them reminding you of their favor upon you, you are not sinful. Nevertheless, if you accept it from your family and forget what happened so that they would not be upset or offended by your refusal of their gift, then this is more appropriate, especially given that you mentioned that their intention was good. So you should forgive and forget; and whoever forgives and reconciles shall be amply rewarded by Allaah. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 84351.
Allaah knows best.
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