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Fatwa CenterProper marriage contract preserves wife's honor and rights
Question
Assalaamu alaykum. I am very concerned about the "marriage" I am in because I do not feel protected whatsoever. Let me start by saying that both my husband and I were non-Muslim when we met, and we had dated for about two years before finding out that we were expecting out first child. He reverted to Islam knowing that this would be beneficial for our children and our family. After having the baby, I converted. It is at this point that I became more confused. We had spoken about marriage, but my husband says that "marriage is just a piece of paper to make the woman feel better" and that he had gotten some advice basically saying that since we were together and had children, we were officially married. I have always felt uneasy about that, and it is quite hard to believe that this would be true. However, anytime I brought it up, it has always been dismissed. We now have two children and I am expecting our third. And I still feel the same confusion and would like some clarification.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, congratulations that Allah guided both of you to Islam; this is indeed a great blessing and we hope that Allah will make you achieve happiness in this world and in the Hereafter by His Grace and Favor. We advise the both of you to learn beneficial knowledge, endeavor to do good deeds, and attend gatherings of goodness and do all that could be a reason to increase your faith and bring you closer to Allah.
If the relationship that was between you before Islam was considered as a marriage in your community, then he is your husband and the children are traced back to him. But if this relationship was not considered a marriage, then he is not your husband.
Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah 
said:
“The companions of (Imaams) Ash-Shaafi’i and Ahmad, such as Ibn ‘Aqeel and the late scholars, hold the view that in regard to the marriage of the non-Muslims, what is taken into consideration is their own customs; what they believe to be a marriage between them is affirmed to be a marriage to them (i.e. Muslims consider them lawfully married)… but if they do not believe that it is a marriage, then it is not permissible to affirm it as a marriage. They (the scholars) also said: If a belligerent non-Muslim man (who is at war with Muslims) rapes a belligerent non-Muslim woman or she conceded to that and they both believed it to be a marriage, then it is affirmed to be a marriage; otherwise no.”
In order to be his wife, an Islamic marriage contract should be conducted between you and him. This contract should meet the conditions of a valid marriage, the most important of which is the presence and consent of the bride's guardian (Wali) and two witnesses. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 83629.
If you do not have a Muslim guardian, you may appoint any Muslim man who would marry you off to that man as underlined in fatwa 88488. The children born from that relationship are traced back to him if he requested that they be traced back to him [i.e. if he does not deny that he is the father] as stated by some scholars.
It is not correct to say that marriage is just a paper to make the woman feel better. Rather, marriage is a great matter, and Allah called it a solemn covenant; Allah says (what means): {And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:21]
In a marriage contract, it is a condition that the bride's guardian and two witnesses be present in order to preserve the honor of the woman and her family, and this is very different from taking lovers (without marriage) and the like that was practiced in the Pre-Islamic era of ignorance and Islam prohibited it.
Allah says (what means): {[They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers.} [Quran 4:25]
Allah knows best.
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