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Fatwa CenterRaising Muslim Children from a Prior Marriage
Question
A sister who converted to Islam has children from a previous relationship. Their father is not in their lives. Who has the responsibility for disciplining these children, their mother or their Muslim step-father? If the mother disagrees with the step-father's treatment what can she do? If a step-father abuses his step-children is the mother to blame for keeping her children in this environment?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The responsibility of these orphans is with the mother. They are her children and she is their guardian. But her husband should deal with them kindly. After all, aren't they the children of his wife and perhaps they are weak orphans? Know that Allah forgave a whore only because she dealt kindly with a dog [quenched its thirst] as narrated in a sound Hadeeth. The reward is greater if kindness is done to people who are weak and helpless. Such children need much care and good treatment. If this man does not want to be kind to them, he has at least to refrain from causing any harm to them or scolding them. The Prophet said: “One who looks after the orphan whether he is his relative or a stranger, I and he would be together in Paradise like this.” The narrator, Malik ibn Anas, raised his index finger and middle finger close together for illustration.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
We advise you to look after your husband and give him all his rights. Be kind to him and remind him of righteousness. Tell him that these children are a trust that Allah has given you. So you should care for them, educate them, bear all their charges until they become mature enough to look after themselves. This husband should help you achieve this goal. Try to teach your children good morals, train them to obey the orders of Allah and respect their mother's husband. If they do so, your husband will trust and respect them.
On the other hand, you are not to blame for keeping your children and taking care for them. If this husband insists on treating your children badly and there is no other Muslim to look after them, you have the choice between tolerating this or seeking divorce to preserve the children's future.
Allah knows best.
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