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Fatwa CenterHow to Look for A Wife
Question
I would like to know what is the proper Islamic way for me to find a wife. As an American convert I have no family connections and do not know very many Muslims, as I am quite shy and quiet, but live in an area with many Muslims from other countries.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The first step in choosing a wife is to ask Allah for guidance (by praying a two-Rak'ah prayer especially for this purpose), ask Him for help, and pray to Him for success and prosperity.
Then you have to consult those whom you trust in terms of piety, sincerity, wisdom, and experience. It is commonly said: “He who asks Allah for guidance will not fail, and he who consults others will not regret.”
After doing all these steps, you begin searching for a suitable wife. You have to put religion and morality on the top of the descriptions and criteria on the basis of which you choose your wife. According to the two most authentic books of Hadith, the Prophet said: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, her family lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the religious one, you will prosper.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Here, the Prophet draws our attention that the basis of choice is religion, for a religious wife is more ready to fulfill the rights of Allah, The Exalted, her husband, children, and her household. Yet, this does not mean disregarding the other criteria, such as good lineage and beauty. This is manifest in the Prophet's direction to the man – who wanted to get married – to look at her, as will be stated below, Allah willing.
Among the ways of research for a suitable wife is to ask the righteous and trustworthy women of your family or your friend's wives. If you have been given more than one option, you have to ask Allah Almighty for guidance to choose one of them. Then try to meet the one whom you chose and have a scrutinizing look at her.
Jabir Ibn Abdullah 
narrated that the Prophet said: “When one of you asks for a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, then he should do so.” [Abu Daawood]
Jaabir said: “I asked a girl in marriage, I used to look at her secretly, until I looked at what induced me to marry her. I, therefore, married her.” [Abu Daawood]
Besides, Al-Mugheerah Ibn Shu'bah said: “I asked the hand of a woman and the Prophet asked me: “Did you look at her?” I answered in the negative. He then said: “Look at her, for it is better for the continuation of your marital life.” [Ahmad and At-Tirmithi]
It is not a condition that one asks for the woman's or her guardian's permission to look at her, since the Sharee’ah (Islamic Law) gives him this permission. This is evidenced by the various narrations, such as Jaabir's aforementioned one.
You have the right to look at her face, hands, stature, and countenance. You are also permitted to speak to her in order to check her mindset, way of thinking, her inclinations and the things she dislikes. In case, you find her acceptable, ask Allah's help and betroth her.
Do not be so idealistic in demanding all the descriptions you have in mind, for this is difficult. We also remind you of two things:
Firstly, you must not sit with her in seclusion, rather in the presence of one (or more) of her Mahaarim (unmarriageable relative: her father, brother, uncle, etc.) or one (or more) of your Mahaarim women.
Secondly, after that meeting, you are not to contact her until you make the marriage contract, because before this marriage contract she is still a non-Mahram woman to you.
When you marry her, you have to deal with her kindly and gently; and to fear Allah through fulfilling your duties to her, for you took her by Allah's covenant and her body was made lawful to you by His Word.
Allah knows best.
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