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Fatwa CenterMarry as soon as you can: the earlier the better
Question
I am just celebrating my 40th birthday. As of today, I have been unable to meet the right spouse. I was engaged three years ago, but it did not work out. Lately, I am becoming more isolated and very shy about going out and attending social events. The reason is that most of my friends and people in my social circle are married. Attending events as a single person puts too much pressure on me and in some instances I feel inadequate. I love to be able to marry one day, but it is just difficult finding the right person. The older I get, the more particular I become. Hence, none of my friends offer to introduce me to a nice person and I am too shy to ask. Please advise me about the steps I need to take to overcome being shy and go out and meet that person. Please note live alone, far from my family as we lived many years in different countries. It is difficult for them to help me.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Islam encourages early marriage. Imam Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Ibn Mas'oud that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "O, young people whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.)" Therefore hasten to marry and be obedient to Allah, so that you get pious children and satisfy your desires through lawful means.
We recommend you to be steadfast on the way of Allah's obedience and seek Allah's Help to get a religious and pleasing woman that could help you be chaste and pious. You may seek the help of good and trustworthy people and good women of your family to search for a suitable girl for you. Do not be too particular in the search for an acceptable partner which can become a major obstacle to getting married.
Being shy is a praiseworthy characteristic and it is a branch among the branches of Iman. One should be grateful to Allah for this blessing since it prevents one from committing sins.
On the other hand, harshness and coyness are poor characteristics that stem from weakness and feelings of inadequacy. These difficulties are best removed by having strong faith in Divine Decree that what Allah has predestined will surely happen. Also looking at the great benefits of marriage should inspire you marry as soon as possible. We ask Allah to help you and grant you a pious woman and good children.
Finally we remind you of the following matters: Observing birthdays is not allowed in our Shariah. Our good ancestors never celebrated it; rather it is a practice which is copied from Kuffar.Try your best to be remain in contact with your family and do not despair of their assistance. May Allah make them a source to help you search for a good and pious woman.
Allah knows best.
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