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Fatwa CenterShe wants to marry but there are family problems
Question
I am a sister residing in UK studying for a PhD. I love this gentleman who is my colleague back home and he also loves me. We both have been very pure in our feelings and none of the usual meeting and dating stuff ever took place. All this happened before I was suppose to come here for my studies in 2002. Due to my good result I was offered a PhD here and knowing that the gentleman is also applying for various universities I accepted thinking that both of us could do our studies here together. However later when the parents of the gentleman came to our house in Dec 2003, i.e. when I visited Pakistan and then went back and kept quiet, they had reservations, i.e. they don't want me or their son to go from Pakistan and be away from them, although they have 4 other children also. I waited for their approval of the issue for 2.5 months and finally had to return here (just to give them more time to think about us), but now the parents are forcing their son to marry someone of their own liking and claiming that I left him because I preferred this opportunity over him. Although he did not accept this claim before, as the time is passing he is also getting irritated as he is continuously encountering hardship in terms of work and finances and pressure from his parents. Now I am highly confused and cannot do anything here or there. I managed to talk to his father who has no reservation to my studying abroad but his mother wants me to stop studying and does not want her son to come here for his education. My sponsor is ready to sponsor him also but he is afraid that his parents will not allow him to leave the country. He is also confused as he cannot see me sad nor can he make his parents sad. Please suggest some Dua for me to offer so that they can agree on our wedding soon and let me and my husband (to be) to come here and complete our education. I will be very thankful to you.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Both of you did very well by preserving your chastity and not committing forbidden matters like being alone with one another, or resorting to forbidden looking. This is what people in love should do. Moreover, you behaved appropriately by trying to get married, as this is what should be done when in love. You also behaved appropriately by trying to get married, as this is the best cure for this love. Ibn Majah reported that Ibn Abbas may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "The best solution for those who are in love is to get married."
Our advice is that this gentleman take the initiative to convince his parents that he should marry you, and he has to do his best in doing so. He has to seek help of the people who could convince his parents. Supplicate as much as possible that Allah may decree for you what is good for both of you either in the short or long term. Seek His help and ask Him to render what is difficult easy for you. For instance, you may supplicate with what Ibn Hibban reported in his Sahih that Anas narrated that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said:
"O Allah, nothing can be easy except that which You make easy, for You make any hard matter easy if You wish." Ultimately, if his parents agree about their son getting married to you, Al-Hamdu Lillah (Praise be to Allah); otherwise he has to put the obedience of his parents over getting married to you, because being dutiful and obedient to one's parents is an obligation while getting married to you is not. So what is an obligation takes priority over what is not. We advise you to continue making Dua to Allah to grant you a pious husband, as perhaps the good is in getting married with another man, and remember the saying of Allah: "...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know." (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
Finally, we draw your attention to the fact that it is not permissible for a woman to travel without a Mahram or to mix with alien men in that country, the people of which have no religion which prevents them from committing adultery and being involved in despicable and contemptible matters.
Allah knows best.
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