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Fatwa CenterEngaged but is still emotionally attached to her married work colleague
Question
A colleague at work confessed his love for me 4 months after he married. I was employed as he was engaged, and apparently he fell for me in a very short time. I never noticed anything until he confessed his feelings. Personally, I liked many qualities in him, but knowing he was engaged, I kept my feelings to myself. After confessing, we started to share little things together, like eating together during breaks. Unfortunately, things developed until we got engaged in unlawful sexual acts/foreplay, but not frank Zina. I always felt so bad inside, but couldn't stop the acts. Now I'm engaged for marriage to a very kind, God fearing man. My colleague is very cold with me now, and his changed attitude, he says, is to let me move on and build proper emotional connections with my fiance. The problem is that Im still emotionally attached to my colleague; I can't let go, and at the same time, I feel so unworthy and stupid for having fallen into such huge mistakes, as I've always tried my best to be a religious girl. I feel that my fiance deserves someone better. I have repented, but I'm having a very hard time forgiving myself. I hate myself now, and my own bitterness to myself is reflecting badly on my fiance. Should I keep my engagement going? I know that I will have to move on sooner or later, and my fiance is a very good man, but is it fair to him to be engaged to a girl whose heart is with a different man? I feel like I will go insane, I really regret my mistakes and don't feel like I'm worthy enough for anyone to marry me. Please guide me. Sorry for the long details.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, you should know that whoever fears Allaah, Allaah will protect him from any harm and evil. What you experience and what you feel is because of breaching the Islamic rulings by this illegal affectionate relationship with your colleague. It is forbidden in Islam for a woman to establish any affectionate relationship with a marriageable man. Therefore, you are obliged to repent and immediately cut this relationship with this man.
As regards the man to whom you are engaged, if he is religious and has a good moral conduct, then you should not hesitate and should proceed to marry him. What you mentioned that you do not have feelings towards him is probably because if the sinful relationship you had with your colleague. Yu may love him after marrying him. Indeed not all homes are built on love. You may find in his qualities of being religious and having a good moral conduct what will suffice you from looking to love in the early stages of your marital life.
Anyway, since the matter is only at the phase of engagement, if you fear that the marital relationship with him will not be stable and last according to religious requirements, then you may invalidate this engagement. An engagement is just a kind of promise for marriage and it is permissible for each party to annul it. However, it is better to proceed with this marriage if there are no marriage impediments.
Finally, it should be noted that it is no permissible for a woman to work in a place where she is mixed with men except for a necessity and provided some religious requirements are met.
For more benefit on the requirements for a woman to work, please refer to Fatwa 82399.
Allaah Knows best.
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