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Fatwa CenterPerhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you
Question
salamI m muslim male, living u.s. confusion in my intentions a girl i wanted to marry I thought that i wanted to marry her for the right reasons and the dreams i had of being with her were halal I had known her for many years and liked her since i was very young 15 main reason i liked her was her hijab I lost contact with her for a few years and mostly forgot about her then i got in touch with her again one day and seeing her again made me realize how much i had liked her and still did i was in tears for her later on that night the only girli have been in tears for I thought that maybe allah brought her back into my life for a reason I am supposed to marry and we both will help each other in islam I have never really dated anyone and greatly reduced free mixing after highschool She stopped wearing the hijab and was less religoius i thought that if we got married we would establish islam in our lives i spoke to her on the phone constantly about islam and other things She would call me many times a day i thought maybe she had the same feelings for me When i told her that i liked her she said that she did not have the same feelings for me My intentions for telling her were not to date her but after hearing her decsion send my parents to her house to ask for her hand. I was devasted when i heard this I began to feel that maybe what i felt for her was just dirty lust, and not love She is very beautiful, and i often think that thats the only reason i liked her. this makes me feel very sad since she's the only girl i have ever felt this way for. After she told me that she didn't have th same feelings for me i told her not to call me anymore But I am still trying to figure out whether it was lust or halal Im having great trouble forgetting her. I feel like if i cant marry her then it doesn't matter how i marry i will never feel the same for anyone even thought of living in junnah with her what should i do have no interest in marraige anymore dont trust women anymore
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, the love which a person did not intend and which he is not endeavoring to achieve, like a man hearing about a woman or seeing her suddenly and his heart is attached to her, but he feared Allaah, and being attached to her did not lead him to indulge in a forbidden thing, like looking or dating, and endeavored for a lawful relationship through marriage, then he is not sinful for this kind of love since this occurred without deliberately intending it and this did not lead him to something forbidden.
Indeed, you did well by not indulging in any forbidden thing with this woman, but you are wrong by talking to her with something which could lead to temptation.
If you still want to marry her, and you think that she is a suitable wife for you, and you expect that she will regain her senses and abide by Allaah's Legislation, and you expect that she will agree to marry you, then it is permissible for you to send to her your female relatives or her female relatives and the like so that they may try to convince her. If she accepts, then approach her guardian. On the other hand, if she insists on refusing, then forget about her. It might be that Allaah has repelled an evil from you by not marrying her. Indeed, there were many men who loved some women and married them, but their lives were turned into nightmares and the outcome was divorce. Moreover, there are many women other than her. Allaah Says (what means): {But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allaah Knows, while you know not.}[Quran 2:216].
For more benefit on how to treat love sickness, please refer to Fatwa 84544.
Finally, you should not surrender yourself to illusions and whispers of the devil, among which is what you mentioned that you are not willing to marry or have no trust in women, so seek Allaah's help, He will repel from you these thoughts.
Furthermore, you should know that if Allaah predestined for you to enter
In the end, for more benefit on residing in a non-Muslim country, please refer to Fatwa 86405.
Allaah Knows best.
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